I Finally Found Someone
by end-of-rainbow
Summary: Addek after divorce, trying to figure out where they stand and what they want.
1. First

After finishing the last chapter story, I told myself "Self, you are not writing another continuing fic". Self agreed, and I've written only one shots so far until this. This is originally supposed to be a little drabble in respond to Inge's (Ccke) prompt table, but then it blew out of proportion and became this long ass one shot. But then it blew up even bigger and messier, and now I end up with this continuing story. Damn those plot bunnies, heh….

So on with the story. I don't own these characters. They're Shonda's. I make no profit from this, if anything, I get stress when the chapters don't want to get written. Please don't sue me, because I'm a student and I'm broke.

The chapter is called First, because that was the prompt I picked.  
---------

Addison shifted anxiously in her seat as her plane touched down on the runway of Logan Airport. She was in Boston for Sarah Hanson's nuptial this weekend; Sarah was Derek's half sister, her father, Patrick, had married Laura Shepherd when Derek was thirteen. Sarah had asked Addison to be one of her bridesmaids, and as if it that wasn't awkward enough for Addison to partake in a Shepherd-Hanson family gathering after her divorce, she was paired with Derek, who was one of the groomsmen.

Addison's list of why she should not come to the wedding let alone be in it never made it to reason number one as Mama Shepherd called to assure her that she was still a part of the family regardless of the impending divorce, hence her required attendance. That conversation and Sarah's begging and the Shepherd sisters' threat to fly to Seattle to drag her ass to Boston themselves if she refused had sealed the deal.

However, since the divorce, her words with Derek were only exchanged in a manner of works and the subject of Sarah's wedding was never brought up between them, even after Nancy's arrival in Seattle a week after. And Addison was grateful that Mark had cancelled on attending when an intricate case requiring his expertise came a few days before the wedding.

XXXXX

Addison took a deep breath as she pulled her rental car into the parking lot of the wedding location for the rehearsal. As she walked into the lobby, she felt as scared as she had been the first time Derek had brought her to meet his family. She had no idea how they would receive her then, and she had no idea how they would receive her now.

A chant of "Aunt Addie's" rang through as she opened the big wooden door of the chapel and she had not taken two steps forward when the children tackled her three steps back. For a moment, all her worries disappeared as she hugged her nephews and nieces and grinned at their excitement to see her. At least a few people here wanted her around, she thought.

She knelt down and tried to keep up with the kids talking all at once.

"We miss you, Aunt Addie!"

"Thank you for the birthday present, I love it!"

"I got an 'A' on my Math test!"

"We got a new puppy!"

"Why didn't you come with Uncle Derek yesterday?"

The last question rendered her speechless. Samantha, who was only four, had asked the question and clearly was too young to understand that the mess that was her Uncle Derek and Aunt Addie's marriage.

"Kids, give Aunt Addie a chance to breath, will ya?"

Addison looked up to see Nancy's smiling at her and when she looked past her sister in law, the rest of the Shepherd clan—sans Derek who was nowhere to bee seen inside the chapel—were making their way to greet her. The hugs and the kisses were not what she expected, but she was thankful of the warm welcome.

"Aunt Addie, you are going to stay at the beach with us after the wedding, right?" Tommy, who was six, asked her after the adults finished their greeting.

"The beach?" She looked around confused, "No, Aunt Addie is going back Sunday morning after the wedding."

Sure enough, she was bombarded by the children's protests—complete with their perfected pouts and puppy dog eyes.

"But why? We miss you, Aunt Addie…."

"You have to come with us, pleaaaaaaseeee…."

"We want Aunt Addie!"

"I have to go back to work on Monday, kids," she replied with a sad smile.

"But Uncle Derek is coming…."

Once again, Addison was speechless. She could not, would not, agree to come to the family's vacation house in Cape Cod, Derek would throw a fit. She noticed the Shepherds exchanged looks, also not knowing exactly what to say.

"Hey kids, why don't you come with me and see what else we can help Aunt Kelly with," Robert, Jane's—the sister after Derek—husband suggested. Along with the rest of the sisters' husbands, he ushered the kids back into the chapel and closed the wooden door.

Addison fidgeted as Patrick and Laura exchanged looks with each other. Finally, Mama Shepherd spoke up, "We decided to take the kids off school for two days since we're all here and the Cape is only a couple of hours away. Why don't you come and stay with us until Tuesday?"

"Wha…," she said in surprise, "Oh no, no…I can't come."

"Why not?" Jane inquired.

"I have to wo…"

"Yea, yea, whatever…" Sarah, the bride-to-be, cut in and rolled her eyes.

"Come to the Cape with us Addie," Nancy, who was between Kathleen and Derek in the family line up, repeated the invitation.

"I don't want to intrude your vaca…"

"Addison!" Kathleen scolded, "You _are_ family. You _are not_ intruding."

"Look," Nancy started, "I told you just last week that we all know what you did, but we still love you. You've been in our family for nearly two decades; a divorce doesn't erase that, Addie."

"Derek wouldn't want me there," she said softly, mustering the courage to look at all of the family members. "It means a lot to me that you still think of me as one of you and that you still want me around, but Derek doesn't."

"The kids couldn't stop talking about seeing you again this weekend. They miss you, Add, they want you there…"

"We all want you there…"

Addison sighed, the sisters and the children were the same when it came to disagreeing. "I can't, I'm sorry. He is your family, more so that I am. You don't want to hurt him." She looked down at her hands, "I've done enough of that. Having me here is probably a torture enough for him, I don't need to be around anymore than I have to."

"Addie?" Laura waited until she looked up before continuing, "_This_ is why we still consider you as our family. You still care about all of us."

She smiled at the words and tried not to let her tears flow as Mama Shepherd enveloped her in a loving hug. "Thank you," she whispered.

"There they are," Sarah pointed to the lobby's glass door as Derek made his way to the building from the parking lot with four of his nephews and nieces.

"Please don't mention to him about this," Addison pleaded.

Everyone agreed and watched as the kids ran happily towards the door when they saw Addison. They watched as Derek stopped at his track outside when he realized who was behind the glass door. They watched as he locked eyes with Addison briefly and ran a hand through his hair and looking around, deciding whether to meet them or use the side door.

"_This_," Addison said, turning the family's attention to her, "This is why I can't come with you."

Groans of frustration were heard from the sisters after Addison went inside the chapel.

"He is so stupid sometimes!" Nancy grumbled.

"Why do I feel like he is making the biggest mistake…" Sarah muttered.

"Because he is," the rest of the family simultaneously replied.

XXXXXXXXX

Derek leaned back against the wall in the quiet hall, trying to get a moment to himself amidst the madness that was a family gathering. A lot of thought had been on his mind ever since the divorce, Addison's revelation and Nancy's visit to Seattle in particular; not to mention this weekend filled with his family's questions and their piece of mind over his life. In the last two weeks, he had thought about Addison and their failed marriage more that he would like to admit. Before, his mind was filled with getting back with Meredith, but now he found himself letting go of that thought, and it didn't bother him.

It was here, away from the hassle bustle of the hospital, Seattle, Mark, and Meredith, that he saw Addison. Addison who would kneel down to be on eye level with his little nephew and nieces when they talked to her, Addison who would converse sweetly with his aunts and uncles even though they must had bored her, Addison who would crack jokes with his sisters and brothers in law, Addison who fit so well with his family. And Derek found himself second guessing the decisions he had made in the past year.

"Are you okay?"

He heard her voice and opened his eyes to her worried ones. She was gorgeous in her light blue bridesmaid dress, her hair in lose curls, and her make up perfectly applied.

"Yeah," he answered, "I didn't know anyone was around here."

"The bathroom is here," She said as she pointed down the hall, "You sure you're okay? You've been quiet…."

"Have a lot on my mind," he answered shortly.

She nodded, "I'll leave you alone."

Addison walked passed him, and instinctively he almost pulled her to him for a quick kiss but he stopped himself and let her pass. He leaned his head back on the wall, not understanding why lately he found himself watching Addison, having the desire to hold her, kiss her, or to at least be close to her. He missed her.

Fifteen minutes later at ten in the morning, Derek and Addison walked down the aisle together as bridesmaid and groomsman. He told her how beautiful she was as he took her hand right before they entered the chapel, and when she blushed and whispered "thank you", Derek felt his heart skipped a beat.

XXXXXXXX

The reception was held at the lush garden at the back of the building. As the family and friends mingled and exchanged congratulations, Addison was deep in an animated conversation with Frances, Jane's eight year old daughter. Frances was telling her about the new puppy they recently got when she heard Sarah asked the photographer to take pictures of her with the sisters. A year ago, Addison wouldn't hesitate to make a beeline with Kathleen, Nancy, and Jane towards Sarah because she was deemed one of the Shepherd-Hanson sisters. However, things have changed and she opted to pretend not to notice the camaraderie created as the sisters started to line up for the pictures.

"Wait, don't take the picture yet!" Addison heard Sarah instructed the photographer.

"We're missing one more!" This time it was Kathleen.

"Where is Addie?" Now it was Nancy.

"Addie!" Jane called out for her and gestured for her to come.

Frances tugged on her aunt's hand, "Aunt Addie, go!"

Before Addison could refuse, Patrick and Laura had dragged her away from her table.

"Don't be silly, Ad. Derek isn't going to be in the picture, don't worry," Laura rolled her eyes.

"Plus, not everything goes his way," Patrick whispered as he playfully pushed her towards the rest of his daughters.

"Alright we're ready!" Sarah exclaimed when Nancy and Jane grabbed Addison to stand between them.

Derek couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the women making silly poses after the regular smiling pose, and he actually felt relieved that Addison was still welcomed in his family. He was so sure he wanted nothing to do with her after he made that clear to Addison, but as the two weeks passed and the wedding neared, he worried about how she would be received after the skeleton in her closet was out. But that worry soon evaporated the minute he saw Addison by the lobby surrounded by his parents and sisters, she belonged in his family.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison sat on the swing at the playground at the side of the building, hidden from the party, and dug her feet at the soft sand, her shoes kicked to the side. She had been dancing with Patrick, but when the music of the next song started, she excused herself from the dance floor. So here she was on the swing set, feeling her heart ached as she listened to the song she and Derek had danced their first dance as husband and wife to twelve years ago.

**_I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet  
I finally found the one, who makes me feel complete  
We started over coffee, we started out as friends  
It's funny how from simple things, the best things begin_**

When Addison started medical school, she was determined not to let any men interfere with her study, so she had turned down every single guy who had offered to take her out—including Derek. But Derek somehow managed to sneak his way to get closer to her, offering to study for their Neuroscience class—something she had trouble understanding and knew Derek had a knack for—at a local coffee shop. They had become friends afterward, and she made it clear to Derek that she wanted nothing more that friendship at that point. Derek respected her wish—for six months.

**_This time it's different   
It's all because of you  
It's better than it's ever been   
Cause we can talk it through  
My favorite line was "Can I call you sometime?"  
It's all you had to say to take my breath away _**

They were talking about an upcoming exam as he walked her back to her dorm after lab when she noticed him acting slightly different than usual, and when they got to her door, she saw him moving and tapping his feet on the same spot.

_"What?" she asked him."_

_Um…nothing," he lied._

_"Derek, just spill it out already."_

_He looked at her for a moment, "Can I call you sometime?"_

_She furrowed her brows, "You're my friend, of course you can…." She stopped mid sentence when he looked down, trying to hide his disappointment, and Addison understood what he had meant. "Oh…."_

_She thought of how cute he was when he was vulnerable like this and it only took two seconds before her no dating rule went bye-bye._

_She touched his arm, "Derek, you can call me."_

_"Really?" His hopeful eyes met hers._

_Damn, he was handsome, she thought. "Yeah, I would love that."_

_"Can I also take you out for dinner sometime?" He smiled and Addison felt her knees went weak. A faint "okay" was all she managed in reply. _

_For a minute they both just stood at her door, not knowing what else to say, stealing glances at each other and blushing when one caught the other. They were like a pair of giddy six graders going on their very first date._

_"I should go," Derek reluctantly offered._

_"Alright," Addison reluctantly agreed._

_"I'll call you," he gave her another charming smile of his._

_She bit her bottom lip, "Okay."_

**_This is it, oh…  
I finally found someone  
Someone to share my life  
I finally found the one  
To be with every night  
Cause whatever I do  
It's just got to be you  
My life has just begun  
I finally found someone  
I finally found someone _**

Derek looked back at the party to make sure one last time that Addison wasn't somewhere amongst the guests. He couldn't bear to stay there any longer with the song bringing a rush of memories of him and Addison. He figured she must have felt the same ache he felt when he scanned the room and didn't see her anywhere. After going inside the building to look for her proved unsuccessful, he went out the front door, around the side of building, and found her swinging absentmindedly on playground set. He studied her for a moment, taking in everything about her that he had missed, the way her forehead wrinkled as she appeared to be deep in thought and how her feet playfully kicked the sand around the swing set.****

**_Did I keep you waiting (I didn't mind)  
I apologize (Baby, that's fine)  
I would wait forever just to know you were mine  
And I love your hair (Sure it looks right?)  
I love what you wear (Isn't it too tight?)  
You're exceptional  
I can't wait for the rest of my life  
This is it, oh… _**

Derek remembered the first time he took her to meet his family. He had planned to bring her to church on Easter Sunday to meet the whole Shepherd-Hanson clan. What could be more perfect than Addison meeting his parents and sisters in a gorgeous Easter dress, he had reasoned.

_Derek panted heavily as he knocked on Addison's door, "I'm so sorry I'm late." He was ready to plunge for a long explanation of why he was late but couldn't find his words when Addison appeared behind the door._

_"Baby, it's okay," she assured him. "You gave me more time to get ready."_

_'My god, she was gorgeous' was the only thing running through his mind. "Your hair looks good," he finally said._

_"Really?" she asked unsure. "What about the dress? It's appropriate for church, right?"_

_Addison had kept the dress as a surprise and Derek thought how cute she was when she was nervous like this._

_"I love it," he grinned, "You're gorgeous." His kiss calmed her and off they went to meet his family._

_He remembered spending the day observing her with his family and how proud he was to see how well she got along with them, how well she fit in his family._

_"So," Addison snuggled closer as they lay on his couch later that night, "Did they like me?"_

_He deadpanned, "No."_

_She shot up in horror, "Seriously?!"_

_He laughed and she hit his arm as he sat up to pull her closer. "They love you," he whispered in her ears._

_"Okay, did I make joke to you after my dad grilled you that night?!" she frowned._

_"No, you didn't," He chuckled at the memory of the first time Addison brought him to meet her family. "I'm sorry," he mumbled before he kissed her._

_**I finally found someone  
Someone to share my life  
I finally found the one  
To be with every night   
Cause whatever I do  
It's just got to be you  
My life has just begun  
I finally found someone  
I finally found someone**_

"Hey," he greeted her and sat down on the swing next to her.

"Oh hey…" she greeted back, very much surprised to see him.

"I've been thinking…a lot…these past two weeks," Derek started. "About the decisions I made, about what I did, what you did…. Mostly I thought about us."

"And this thinking just re-affirmed how much you hate me and how much you don't want me around, right?" She kept her eyes focused on her the sand beneath her, "I'm sorry I'm intruding. This is your family event and I'm here where I shouldn't be."

"Addie, no…" he stood up, "That's not what I meant to say. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry about how I treated you, how I handled us."

She watched as his shoes moved and tapped on the same spot, his sign of nervousness.

"Addie, look at me," he stepped closer.

She reluctantly looked up, "What?"

"I'm sorry."

For the first time, she truly believed that he was indeed sorry, but she said nothing. She heard his 'sorry' once before and it yielded nothing to their marriage. But then again, Derek had been different this weekend. She believed him when he said he had a lot on his mind because he seemed rather distracted since yesterday. She caught his watching her—looking at her like she had wished for—several times during the rehearsal, the dinner after, during the ceremony and reception, and when she met his stare he would give a half smile and look away. Then as she passed him near the bathroom, she was almost sure that he almost leaned in to kiss her. At last, he had told her she looked beautiful, another first after years of indifference.

"Dance with me?" he extended his hand.

Now she was really confused, "What have gotten into you?"

"I realizing I've made the biggest mistake of my life and I figured out what I want…. And I'm wondering if I'm too late to fix it, and if I'm not…I'm trying to find ways to make it up. Please, Addie, just one dance," he pleaded. "It's our song."

She took his hand cautiously. He pulled her close to him and they danced in silence.****

**_Cause whatever I do  
It's just got to be you   
My life has just begun  
I finally found someone  
I finally found someone _**

"Addie?" he softly called her name.

"Yes?"

They held each other's gaze before they both leaned in towards each other. Addison didn't slap him as she did Mark, and the kiss had been hesitant and slow at first, but when Derek deepened it she returned the gesture.

"I want you to come to the Cape with me," he whispered. "Everybody's, well, except for Sarah and Andrew, is going tomorrow morning. We're staying there until Tuesday."

Addison didn't know if it was the kiss or his request that made her heart beat faster. She knew the gang hadn't told him of their invitation, so this one was purely Derek's initiative.

"Come with me, Addie?"

"My flight leaves tomorrow morning."

"They would want you there, _I_ want you there. Please? There is a lot I want to tell you…"

"What's the use of talking now, Derek."

She let herself out of his arms and sat down on the swing to put her shoes back on. "We should go back," She told him before walking back to the party, fast, leaving Derek behind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next time Derek spoke to Addison was later that evening at the lobby of the hotel she and their family were staying at. Her flight was scheduled very early in the morning, so they had gathered to say goodbye.

"I asked Addie to come with us tomorrow and she refused," he blurted out just as she started to hug the children. He looked around at his family to get a sense of approval, "I don't think she gets to refuse."

Her mouth slightly agape as the kids stared expectantly at her. Kathleen, Nancy, and Jane darted their eyes between her and Derek, they were clearly amused.

"My flight leaves at five in the morning," she said firmly.

"I've booked you on my flight back," his voice not less firm than hers.

"I have work tomorrow."

"I've called Richard. We'll go back on Wednesday."

"I didn't bring enough clothes."

"I'll take you shopping tomorrow."

"What about my rental car?"

"We'll both drive our cars to the airport. You turn yours in, hop in mine, we'll shop, and we'll drive to the house."

The sisters smirked at each other and exchanged knowing looks to their husbands as they watched the bickering pair. Patrick and Laura tried to keep a straight face, and the children were already grinning from ear to ear.

"But…"

"Oh good Lord, just give it up, Addie!" Nancy cried out. "You can't win this one. We want you to go, so you're going. Deal with it!" T

he family burst into laughter.

"Fine," she groaned.

The kids shrieked with joy, hugging and jumping around their Aunt Addie.

She glared at Derek when he sported a smug look, "Don't you dare gloat!"

"I'm not gloating," He insisted and feigned an innocent look.

"Shut up!" she pouted. She hated the fact he still knew how to get ahead of her.

"Yes, Mam," he obeyed, all the while trying not to grin widely.

He put a hand on her back and ushered her toward the elevator, "I'll take you up."

"Don't forget to get down here at 8 for breakfast!" Patrick reminded them.

"Why do I feel like they're already on their way to get back together…." Jane mused as Derek and Addison left.

"Because they are," the rest of the family simultaneously replied.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They rode up to Addison's floor in silence. She caught Derek glancing sideways at her, and when he caught her doing the same she blushed and he smiled. He kept his hand at the small of her back as they walked to her room and she let him.

"I'm glad you're coming with us," he stated as she went through her purse for her room key.

"Well, you didn't give me a choice, did you?" She put the card in its slot, "Evil…."

He chuckled, "Just enjoy the vacation, Addie. It'll be great."

She pushed the door open and turned around to face him, "Why are you doing this, Derek?"

"Trying to pick up the pieces of what I've broken."

"It's a little too late for that, don't you think?"

"Am I? I won't know unless I try, _really try_."

"I can't promise you anything."

"I'm not asking you for anything...not if you can't right now."

She shook her head, "Derek…"

"Look, I'll call you…tomorrow, I mean. I'll call you to wake you up. I'll pick you up ten to eight, and we'll go from there, okay?"

She couldn't help but smile at his rambling, "Okay…. Goodnight, Derek."

He kissed her forehead and lingered there for a second, "Goodnight, Addie."

Addison kept her eyes on Derek for a while as he walked back to the elevator before closing the door behind her. For the first time in a long time, the old Derek she fell in love with was back and she had a feeling he was back for good.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So, I decided to write this story to get all these scenes out of my head so Addison and Derek can leave me alone. Alas, they think otherwise, so this will continue even know I have no idea what I'm doing. Please read and review, I'd like to know what you think. You like? You no like? Next chapter: shopping.

Here's a secret: Derek likes to shop with Addison….


	2. Shopping

I still don't own them and I'm still broke, so please don't sue me.

Shopping.

Addison groaned and, with her eyes still shut, maneuvered her arm on the nightstand, trying to locate her ringing cell phone.

"Yes?" she sleepily answered and sank further in her bed.

"Good morning," an equally sleepy voice greeted on the other end.

She smiled and stretched, "Morning…."

"Did you have a good night sleep?"

"Mmm hmm. You?"

"I did," he answered, not really wanting to admit that he was too excited at the prospect of spending some time with her to get a proper sleep. "Time to get up, Add."

She rolled over to look at the time and protested, "Derek, it's not even seven…"

"It's five to seven, close enough," he pointed out. "Plus, we're going shopping today."

"Hm, shopping…"

He smiled at her respond, "Yes, shopping, so get up..."

"Fine…," she mumbled and hung up.

Ten minutes later, the same tone rang again in the room. Addison once again groaned and reached for the gadget.

"Get out of the bed now, sweetheart," he instructed.

She yawned, "I'm already out."

"Pffftt!" he scoffed. "I'm not hanging up until I hear the shower."

"Ugh, I don't like you!" she grumbled and made her way to the bathroom. "Happy?"

He grinned as he heard the water running, "Very."

XXXXXXXXX

Less than an hour later, Derek had knocked on Addison's door, carried her bag, and let her check out while he put her bag and his suitcase in his car.

"So," Nancy spoke behind Addison at the receptionist, "Derek is different…."

Addison turned around to see not only Nancy, but Laura, Kathleen, Jane, and even Sarah, who was bidding the family goodbye before she went off on her honeymoon, stood in circle around her, "Um…"

"What's going on?"

"I thought you said he never wanted to see you again?"

"_This_ is _so_ not 'I never wanted to see you again'."

"He wants you back, doesn't he?"

"Oh you are _so_ getting back together… I knew it!"

"Dr. Shepherd?" the receptionist called, and Addison had never been so grateful of a receptionist before.

She ignored the inquiring minds of the women and turned around to retrieve her credit card from the lady behind the desk, "Thank you."

"Addie, spill."

"Well," she started, "He apologized yesterday…for everything."

"And…?" Jane dragged the word, expecting more out her sister in law, or former sister in law.

"And he said something about realizing he's made a big mistake…"

Laura and the rest of the sisters nodded their heads along, "Keep going…."

Addison looked at all of them, "I plead the fifth."

"Uh, no," Kathleen answered immediately. "Now where were we? He wants you back? Did he tell you he still loves you?"

"Oh, he so does," Sarah quipped. "Did he kiss you?"

Addison blushed and avoided eye contact with the family, and all five women broke into smiles, taking her reaction as a 'yes'. "Look, I don't know," she said as she shoved her hands in her jeans pockets, "He's being the old Derek and it's…it's… God, you have no idea how I wish he's like this months ago…."

"What are you gonna do?" Sarah asked.

Addison shook her head, "I really don't know. I told him I can't promise him anything. He said he's not asking for anything, at least not right now…."

Nancy rubbed the red head's arm, "You tell us if he loses his senses again, Add."

"I'll keep that in mind," she laughed. "I'm sorry. I know you want us back, but…"

"Oh, don't be silly," Laura spoke in her motherly tone and hugged the younger woman. "You do what our heart tells you to do. If you're not ready, then you're not. And if he really means his words, then he'll wait."

"Aheeem…" Derek cleared his throat, wondering as to why his mother and sisters were hovering around Addison. "Why are you….?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all…." Jane said innocently.

"Just admiring Addison's shoes that's all," Sarah finished her sister's sentence.

Kathleen linked her arm with Nancy's and their mother's, "Let's go to breakfast, shall we?"

Addison giggled at the confusion on Derek's face when he looked at her feet only to see she was only wearing a simple ballet flats. "It's a women thing. Come on, I'm hungry."

"You're okay?" Derek asked as they followed the rest of the family to the hotel's restaurant.

She turned to him, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"The girls…Dad…_Mom_…being overbearing…."

Addison laughed, "They must've pounded on you this weekend. I can only image…"

"Yeah…but it's good actually…. Gave me a much needed 'what the hell are you doing?'" He paused for a second, "Just don't tell them I said that."

She laughed again, "I promise I won't."

"Good. Anyway, I got the directions and everything from the concierge, so after breakfast they can go ahead to the Cape. We'll drive there whenever we're done shopping."

"Okay." Addison grabbed a hold of his arm, turning him to face her, "Thank you…for this…for inviting me and um…all this."

He smiled, "You're always welcome. You're my family."

XXXXXXXXX

"Here we are," Derek exclaimed as they stepped out of the parking garage. "Newbury Street, eight blocks of various shops and café's, from high-ends to retails, you name it."

"Oooo…" Addison said cheerfully.

Derek laughed when her face light up as soon as she spotted the plethora of boutiques across the street. When the light turned green, he grabbed her hand out of habit, "Let's go."

She let him held her hand until they got into the first store because even for an avid shopper like her, Addison cannot shop with one of her hands in Derek's.

XXXXXXX

Five stores and three shopping bags later, which Derek had offered to carry, Addison browsed through Banana Republic sans Derek, who was off getting something from the café next door.

"Those don't look like something you'd wear," Derek said from behind, causing her to jump slightly in surprised.

She silently cursed herself for picking out clothes for him out of habit. She was on her way to the dressing room in the back when she passed by the men section and accumulated an array of men shirts, sweaters, and a jacket without even realizing.

"Oh…well…I just thought these would look good on you…" she told the truth, transferring the men clothes to his arms.

He grinned, loving the fact that she hadn't let go of their married quirks, "Thanks. Here I got you some water."

She gave him an appreciative smile as she took the bottle of water in his hand, "Let me take that." She took the cup in his other hand when he struggled keeping the clothes in one arm and three shopping bags in the other. "What's this?" she asked as she took a sip of his smoothie.

"Strawberry and Kiwi."

It was their favorite.

Five minutes after they got in the dressing rooms next to each other, Addison heard him calling.

"Addie?"

"Yes?"

"You want me to wear a pink shirt?!"

Addison almost choked on his smoothie she was sipping in between trying on clothes, "It's not pink!"

Two seconds later, she heard his door opened and his banging on her door. She was prepared to laugh but lost the incentive once she opened her door, Derek had looked ridiculously good in what he claimed the pink shirt.

"_This_," he stressed all the while gesturing to the shirt, "Is pink!"

"It's a bunch of tiny red and white stripes," she defended her choice.

"Which is why it looks pink," he proved his point.

"So?" Addison shrugged, "It looks good on you anyway. I like it, you should get it. "

"But it's pink!"

"Real men wear pink," she smirked, taking another sip of his drink.

He claimed his smoothie back and gave her a mock glare as he went back into his dressing room, "Women…"

XXXXXXXXX

"Just as a reminder, Add," Derek pointed out as he shifted the shopping bags in his arms, "We're only in Cape Cod until Tuesday. Not next week."

"Oh I know," she nonchalantly replied, carefully navigating the bags in her hands from hitting other people.

"Then why, pray tell, my lady, are we still shopping?" he jokingly whined.

"Why because you, kind sir, made an offer I couldn't refuse," she played along.

He raised an eyebrow, "Uh, for the record, you did refuse me last night after I offered to take you shopping." That cost him a nudge from her elbow—and shopping bags—but he didn't mind because frankly, he just didn't want to admit that he loved shopping with her, and that he had missed it.

"I think I need to buy a suitcase, my bag wouldn't fit all this," she admitted.

"No kidding…"

XXXXXXX

"Okay, this is the last store," she promised and they stopped in front of a store.

"Victoria Secret?" he winked.

She snorted, "I would like to have clean underwear until Tuesday, thank you very much."

He almost blurted "I don't mind if you're not wearing any" but caught himself just in time to hold it back, no need to remind her of what they were—or no longer were—to each other. Years ago, a trip to Victoria Secrets was a fun and normal outing, he'd get to help her pick a few things here and there and he'd even get to pick sexy lingerie he'd want to see her in. Then she'd model the one he chose in the dressing room, and he'd ravish her with kisses until the store clerk would interrupt their make out session with a clearing of a throat from the outside. But that was then, and now, venturing inside the store was bordering on uncomfortable.

He let out nervous laugh and followed closely behind her as they went inside. He noticed her picking up various garments but quickly putting them back and then glancing back at him when she thought he wasn't looking.

"I can wait outside if you want," he offered, making an effort to avoid any awkwardness.

"You don't have to…I mean, I don't mind, I'll be quick anyway…unless you want to…," she rambled.

"No, I'm fine. I don't mind either. Take your time…."

Addison nodded and quickly made her decision over what she wanted from the store.

XXXX

"Alright, I'm done!" she announced as they left the cashier.

"Are you sure?" he playfully asked.

"Well, I don't think we have enough hands to carry all the bags if we keep going."

He chuckled, "Okay."

They had only walked a block away when Derek stopped on his track.

Addison looked back, "Derek?"

"That would look great on you," he stated, keeping his eyes on something inside the store, a Valentino boutique she noted from the sign at the front.

She inched closer to take a look at what he was staring at, "What?"

He pointed at a sophisticated hunter green gown on the window display, "_That_." Before she could utter a word, he gently pushed her towards the door, "Let's go in."

Once inside, Derek immediately went to talk with the clerk, gesturing to the dress, while Addison stood dumbfounded. Was he being serious?

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

He smiled widely, "Getting you to try it on."

"Why?!"

"Hey, that is nothing compared to a pink shirt," he scoffed. "We're not leaving until you put it on."

She complied with his request, after all, who could refuse wearing a Valentino gown, even for a few minutes? The employee in the plush store shortly ushered them to the waiting room in the back, they set down the many shopping bags, and Derek made himself comfortable in the big sofa as a couple of saleswomen helped Addison behind the curtain.

A few minutes later, one of the sales slipped out of the curtain, "She's ready."

And Derek, mouth agape, was bereft of his speech when Addison emerged from behind the curtain. The dress was perfect on every aspect, it was sexy and classy, and it fit beautifully on her body.

"Wow…" he finally let out after a few seconds of staring and moving his mouth but not resulting in any sound. "You look amazing. Absolutely gorgeous…."

She blushed and turned around to observe the dress on her in the mirror, giving a full view of it to Derek in the process. "You like?"

"Are you kidding?" He stood behind her after the two saleswomen stepped aside to let them have some privacy, "I love it. You should get it."

Addison rolled her eyes, "Get real, to where and when will I get to wear couture in Seattle? We're not in New York anymore, no more benefits or charity events or whatever ball that would require a gown like this," she talked while looking at him in the mirror.

"I'll buy it for you," he decided.

"What?!" She slapped him with the back of her hand, "No!"

"Why not?" he quizzically asked.

"Because…it's expensive…" That was the lamest excuse she knew, he had bought her things more expensive than a few thousand dollars worth of dress.

Derek laughed, "It's not like we haven't bought a Valentino before, or any of other designers for that matter."

"Derek, you don't have to do this…" she softly told him.

"No, I want to," he whispered closely, still admiring her in the mirror.

A minute or two of their back and forth 'yes, I'm buying you the dress' and 'no, you are not' later, Addison let him buy the gown, which was put on order to be shipped to her newly purchased and still bare apartment in Seattle.

As she changed in the dressing room, thoughts about how great the day had been with Derek crossed her mind. He patiently waited as she browsed one store after another. He offered to carry as many of her shopping bags as he could. He rarely protested when she'd spend too long trying on clothes or buying too many clothes. He gave his honest opinion when she couldn't decide on which apparel to get. At last, he bought her the pair of Dolce & Gabbana pumps she was contemplating on because she had just bought a pair of Blahnik not thirty minutes earlier.

She, in turn, had let him hold her hand from time to time or let him put his arm around her waist as he guided her through the crowded street. She had, more than one occasion, picked out clothes for him and, if he wasn't nearby, she had bought them for him. She had also bought him a watch just because she thought he would like it. She had let him pay for lunch and they had shared each other's meal. They had fallen back into their couple routines, and to be truthful, neither had minded it.

He gave her his charming smile as she approached him at the counter, "Ready to go?"

She returned the smile, "Yeah."

Then impulsively, she decided against her better judgment, Addison leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, "Thank you. Today's been great."

And she saw him grinning from ear to ear, his face a mix of surprise and delight that she had kissed him. "The pleasure's mine," he said in reply, "It's all for you."

Addison very well knew that the look on his face meant more than his words. This was the Derek who loved her, _her_ Derek.

XXXXXXXXX

I love them shopping, yes, I do. Derek can take me shopping anytime, I'd like a D&G pumps and a Valentino gown as well, please. Read and review, pleaaaseee…

Next chappie: Cape Cod. Oh, here's another secret: Derek wears Jessica Rabbit boxer….


	3. Cape Cod

So this is called the Cape, because well, they're at Cape Cod. I love Cape Cod, 'tis beautiful.

I don't own them.

XXXXXXXX

With two front windows slightly rolled down, Derek inhaled the ocean scent as the car finally entered Cape Cod's vicinity after a two hour drive from Boston. The drive had been filled with small talks and laughs for the most part, both not wanting to discuss the matter of their relationship just yet, but ten minutes ago, somewhere between his "I prefer the Cape, I hate the Hampton" and her "Whatever, you secretly love the Hampton", Addison had drifted to slumber.

Another twenty minutes of drive brought the car into a stop on the driveway of the Shepherd-Hanson vacation house. The custom made house, designed by Tim—Jane's architect husband—in accordance with Patrick's wishes, was a spacious homey place in sprawling acres of land and boasted one of Cape Cod's pristine beaches as a backyard.

Derek leaned over to kiss her temple, "We're here, Add." He brushed a wisp of hair out of her face and gently nudged her until her eyes fluttered opened.

XXXXXXXX

"Took you two long enough," came the greeting from Patrick as they entered the house.

"Do you need a reminder of who I went shopping with?" Derek replied, carrying his suitcase and Addison's bigger—just purchased—one.

"Hey, I wasn't about to waste a chance to shop with a man alongside to carry my bags," she retorted.

He made a mocking face at her in respond.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek had thought of getting some alone time with Addison at the house while everybody else was out on the beach, but their nephews and nieces thought otherwise. So in between building sandcastles and looking for sea shells with the kids, he waited patiently for a chance to pull her away from the family. And he wasn't about to waste anytime once he spotted Susanne ran happily towards her dad in the water, leaving Addison alone by the hole they were digging in the sand.

She grinned as he approached, "Hey stranger."

"Finally got you alone," he said a matter of factly as he sat down beside her.

"What can I say, I'm popular." She pointed at the one he has been building with Caleb and Aimee, who had abandoned it to chase some little crabs, "So, what made you leave you grand castle?"

"Well, there is no point staying there when my princess is sitting right here by herself." He sported a goofy smile, "I think I should carry you back to my castle." And without warning, he immediately picked her up and swung her on his shoulder.

Addison pounded both fist on his back, "Derek, put me down!"

He casually walked towards the water, arms firmly holding the back of her knees, causing more screams out of her.

"Don't you dare throw me in!"

"You scream like a girl."

"I am a girl, now put me down!!!"

The rest of the family joined him in laughter as Addison squirmed to get off of Derek.

"Wait, wait" Kathleen called out, "I need to take pictures of this!"

"Kathleen!!!" Addison chided, enticing more laughter at her expense.

Derek was past ankle deep in the water when he turned around to their still laughing family, "So, what do you say, water or no?"

"No! No water!" she protested, wiping a splash of water off her arms as a small wave came.

He craned his head back and looked pointedly at her, "The question is not for you." That cost him a painful slap on his back, "You know, your hitting me is not helping."

By now, everybody from the children to the brothers in law was hollering for Derek to throw her in the water.

"I hate to break it to you when you're upside down like this, babe, but apparently you are not as popular as you thought…."

"Derek, put me down, pleaaasee?" she used her most pleading voice.

"Oh I don't know…. What do I get out of this?"

"Um, me not hitting you senseless after this for getting me wet?"

"Not helping," he said and made a move to dump her in the water.

"Okay, okay!" She gave in, "Why do you want?"

"Tell the kids Aunt Addie can't play with them tonight because she and Uncle Derek need a moment alone…"

"Mean uncle!"

He ignored her, "Then you'd give me your undivided attention and…." He paused.

"And what?"

"A kiss."

She smacked him again.

"That or I get your brand spankin' new Marc Jacobs shorts,' he said as he playfully spanked her butt, "And polo and _you_ in the ocean."

"Alright, alright!" she agreed. She wasn't agreeing on anything big and definite like taking him back, she reasoned.

"Promise?"

"Promise," she confirmed.

Derek continued to carry her on his shoulder to the beach, but the minute Derek's feet touched dry land, Addison reached forward and yanked his khaki shorts down. The family erupted into laughter and hoots and hollers once again, and they only grew louder at her comical exclamation when she discovered he was wearing a Jessica Rabbit boxer, "Derek! Why am I on your boxer?"

When crimson faced Derek was forced to set her down in order to pull his shorts up, she seized the moment to mercilessly throw sand balls in his direction. Payback's a bitch.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Addison put on a light make up and threw the towel back on the hanger and collapsed on the bed, she had a bit of time for a power nap before dinner. The day had been exhausting, and wonderful, and confusing. Confusing because the wall she was building up to guard herself from Derek had started to crumble down little by little, and she can't stop it. So long as Derek continued being her Derek again, she can't help but love him.

She had no idea how long she'd had her eyes closed, when a soft knock brought her back to consciousness.

"Addie?"

It was Derek.

Had they were still husband and wife, they'd stay in this bedroom they usually stayed in, but since they were no longer married, Derek was staying in another room downstairs.

She opened the door, "It's time for dinner already?"

He shook his head, "No." Then he put on that charming look that she can't resist, "Actually…I was wondering if I can claim my deal now."

But before she could respond, she caught Jack and Caleb and Susanne standing nearby, "Do you need something, guys?"

"Um... You wanna play go fish with us?" Caleb asked.

Derek looked her and she sighed, "I'm sorry, not now, Uncle Derek and I need to talk."

However, the kids still lingered in the hallway, stealing glances at their aunt and uncle.

"What are you guys doing?" Derek suspiciously inquired.

"Waiting for you to kiss Aunt Addie," Susanne, the youngest, innocently answered.

He chuckled, "Well, would you leave us alone so I can do just that?"

Addison blushed, but laughed anyway when the older boys muttered "busted" under their breath.

"Twenty bucks say Nancy sent the kids up to spy on us," he said and captured her mouth with his.

"Probably," she uttered, breathless, when they finally broke apart, but not for long because she felt Derek's lips on her again and she pulled him inside the room. He closed the door and turned her around, holding her against the door as the kiss intensified.

"We…shouldn't be…doing this…," she murmured in between the feverish kisses.

He didn't stop, "You promised."

"I promised a kiss…" How she managed to speak with what he was doing with his tongue, she had no idea, "Not a make out session."

He grinned against her lips, "Kiss me…."

And she did. Again and again and again until Laura's voice startled them as she knocked on every door on the second floor announcing dinner was ready. They groaned in frustration and stood there for a moment panting out of breath, faces millimeters apart, him giving butterfly kisses on her forehead, on the tip of her nose, on her cheeks, on her lips.

She looked at him in the eye before slipping out the door, "This doesn't mean anything, Derek."

XXXXXXXX

The house was quiet as Addison flipped through a local magazine in her room, earlier that morning they had gone to town for breakfast and a little sightseeing afterward. Laura and Nancy had gone to the market to buy some ingredients for lunch, Kathleen and Jane were either finding the recipes their mom told them about or putting the younger kids down for a nap, while Patrick and the guys had taken the older kids to go sailing. Derek had gone with them, or so Addison thought until he burst into her room, "We really need to talk."

She was about to say something but he help up his hands, "I wanted to talk to you yesterday and the kids hogged you. When I finally got you, we had to go down for dinner. I wanted to talk after dinner, my sisters hogged you. I wanted to talk to you before breakfast, during breakfast, after breakfast, but someone just had to interrupt. So we're finally alone, everybody is somewhere doing their business, I want to talk…."

"When I told you I was trying, but I wasn't—I was scared. My absence drove you to Mark, I was angry at myself…I felt like a failure for making you unhappy. I was…afraid to let you in because then I'd realize what I had been afraid to admit…. That I've never stopped loving you."

"You were afraid of loving me?" her voice edgy.

"No! No… I was afraid of…even if I let myself love you and try, it would still not enough to fix us and I'd end up disappointing you." He took a couple tentative steps towards her, "When you were there in Seattle, you were my Addie again, and I can't help but love you. But I was too scared to show you…I kept thinking what if I can't make you happy anymore, because I've failed you before…. So I kept running away from you and our marriage."

"So why now?" she asked, a tear rolled down her cheek. "Because you can come and go easily now that there is no certificate to bind us by? Or because Meredith dumped you for the vet and you don't want to be alone?"

Derek flinched at the bitterness in her voice, "No. No, Meredith what another mistake I didn't want to admit. I thought I love her, like you thought you fell in love with Mark…. I know now, I ended up disappointing you anyway…I've failed us worse than I could imagine."

Addison paced back and forth in the room trying to process everything, her heart was telling her to trust Derek but her head told her that the last time she followed her heart, she ended up broken.

"I'm sorry…. I've hurt you, and I don't deserve to ask this, but… Is it too late?" He stopped her from pacing and wiped her tears, "Tell me that there is a chance that you'd let me love you."

She her tears fell freely, "I don't know…."

He pulled her into his arms, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Addison didn't know how she went from sobbing on Derek's shoulder, with him holding her tightly and whispering his loving words, to her being hoisted against the dresser in another hot and heavy make out session though this time, she noted, they were naked. She felt him kissed her softly and slowly—a simple kiss that meant he loved her, and she returned the gesture, which then turned more passionate. And because she seemed to lose all rational thought every time Derek's lips were on hers, she didn't protest, even when they started to get rid of their shirts, then their pants, then her bra, then his boxer, then, at last, her panties. And she certainly didn't mind now that Derek's hands were roaming her body and his mouth and tongue were rendering her all feelings magical and mind blowing. He whispered he loved her as their bodies moved in a steady rhythm. She surely stopped thinking at all once bliss clouded all her senses. It wasn't until they heard the door opened that she started to question her judgment.

The look of horror in Jane and Kathleen's faces matched the ones on her and Derek's face, though she bet hers was the reddest of all. Having them walked in while Derek was inside her, one hand groping her breast, mouth ravishing hers, and her hand tangled in his curls and another grabbing his behind, was the most humiliating thing that God could ever inflict on her. She started to think He was punishing her for taking two extra days of vacation instead of saving babies.

As soon as the second it took for the door to open and a repeated "Oh my God" and "We're so sorry" were uttered, the door returned shut. She and Derek immediately jumped off the bed and scoured for their scattered clothes on the floor.

"This is a mistake," she broke the silence, putting on her underwear. "I'm making a mistake."

He pulled his pants, "You think us together is a mistake?"

"Yes." She avoided his gaze, "We shouldn't be doing this…. I shouldn't have come here."

"Why?"

"Because!" she raised her voice and finally met his stare. "We're fooling ourselves thinking we can fix this when, in reality, things are so complicated we don't even know where to begin to fix it."

"We're going to sort them out," he said firmly

"I don't think we can…."

"Answer me, Addie," he demanded. "Am I too late?"

"For God's sake, Derek, we keep getting interrupted the entire time we've been here, we just had your sisters walking in on us! Don't you think we should take it as a sign that we should just give it up?!" Tears pooled in her eyes, "We had fifteen years together and maybe that's our quota…maybe it's best if we don't push it and just leave things be."

The door slammed shut and Derek stood in disbelief.

XXXXXXXXX

Addison rushed down the stairs, dashed through the kitchen with her eyes on the floor, not wanting to acknowledge Laura and the sisters, and went straight for the back door.

Just as the women watched a visibly upset Addison slammed the door, Derek rumbled down the stairs to the kitchen. He avoided eye contact with all of them, they must had already known what happened. "Where is she?"

"I knew you wanted to work things out, I didn't know they're working _that_ well," Jane jest.

"I, as a shrink, am offering my service to you, Jane," teased Kathleen, "Should you feel the need for a therapy…"

"Shut up!" Derek slammed a fist on the counter.

"Whoa, whoa," Laura tried to stop the argument. "Derek, I know this is beyond embarrassing for you and Addie…"

"They were looking Addie to help us get lunch ready…. We thought you were with the guys, we didn't know…." Nancy explained.

"Yeah?!" He was clearly agitated, "Like you didn't know I was trying to talk to Addie ever since I got here, and send the kids out to spy on us?!"

Kathleen didn't like where this was going, "Look, Derek, point is we're all glad that you and Addie are back…."

"She's flipping out!" Derek shouted. "She was this close on giving me another chance, and now she's doubting herself. She thinks she's making a mistake, she thinks we should give it up."

"Do you want to give up?" Laura asked.

"No, of course not! I love her more than enough, I can't give her up!"

Jane pointed outside and spoke for the first time since the incident, "She went out to the deck."

For the second time, the women watched the back door slammed.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Hot. Addison felt hot on her face. Red, too. Whether it was from the embarrassment, the anger at herself, or the sex, she wasn't sure, maybe it was all three combined.

She scolded herself for being so weak when it came to the men in her life. First it was Derek in med school, and it continued to be Derek until she caved in for Mark. Then it was Mark for two months, then it was Derek again for six months, then back to Mark, and now back to Derek. She wanted Derek—always, but Derek hadn't always wanted her.

She heard his voice calling her name. She started for the beach instead. Finally, he caught up and turned her to face him.

"Leave me alone, Derek…" She didn't want to see him.

"No."

"Please…"

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on." He kept blocking her way every time she tried to get away, "One minute you're okay having me close. One minute I'm sure you still want us. But then…now…this…. What do you want?!"

"I don't want to get hurt again!" she shouted, finally looking up. "That's what I want!"

"I'll never hurt you again, Addie," he promised.

"I don't know if I can trust you! For all I know, two weeks from now if you see Meredith Grey with another man, you'd get jealous and decide that, once again, you've made a mistake! Then you'd leave me, and I…I can't go through that again…."

"I'm never leaving you again."

"I'm not sure I can believe that."

"You can't tell me you truly believe fifteen years are all we can have. If you're so convinced we can't work through this, why did you let me hold your hand…kiss you…make love to you?"

"None of this was supposed to happen!" She shrugged out of his hold, "You were supposed to be McDreamy. You were supposed to go off to the sunset with her, while I…I was supposed to move on. You're not supposed to be this Derek…not when I'm still trying so hard to get over you…. We weren't supposed to patch things up. We're supposed to be over!"

"We were never supposed to be over! I made mistakes—huge mistakes, we both did. But _this_ Derek…this is who I'm supposed to be. _Your_ Derek…"

Addison buried her face in her hands, "You can't do this….You can't tell me you want me because it's convenient for you!"

"It's not about convenience! If it was, I would've been able to stop loving you! I pretended I did, because that would be convenient—I'd forget everything and it wouldn't hurt so much…. I tried and I failed. I'm here because I can't pretend anymore. Loving you doesn't stop."

"But it's not enough…. I've never stopped loving you, but it didn't stop you from falling for her. I should've sent you the papers instead of coming after you. I should've given up fighting for you…that would save us a lot of hurting…."

"Stop it, Addie! I don't want anymore should've been's, what if's, maybe's, or could've been's…." He brought her chin up, "I'll prove my words this time. I'll wait however long it will take you…. Tell me we still have a chance."

"You left…," she whispered. "We don't have a chance…."

Addison turned away and sped her way back to the house.

Derek stood motionless as he watched her retreating figure.

XXXXXXXX

Addison wiped her tears and braced herself as she opened the door. Then she re-entered the house the same way she exited not twenty minutes ago, head's down, eyes to the floor, and went straight to her room.

Four heads snapped up when an equally distraught Derek entered the kitchen. The ladies had seen them arguing through the French door and now were waiting for Derek to say something as he stood still, head hung low and hands shoved in his pants pockets.

"I messed up…I messed it up," he said to no one in particular. "I pushed her away, and now she's too far gone…."

Derek quietly headed to his room, not wanting to deal with his mother and sisters.

Neither he nor Addison came out for lunch.

Every pleading from the parents or the girls for Addie to come out and eat something was met with a trembling "leave me alone". The same went for Derek, but Patrick and Laura had drawn the line when neither of them had gone outside their rooms until dinner. So Laura had made her way to Derek, and she didn't like what she saw. He was on his back on the bed, staring to the ceiling, and he had looked so lost. He closed his eyes when she sat beside him and squeezed his shoulder.

"Addie doesn't want to…?" she whispered.

"No…I don't know," he replied. "She said no…but…"

"You said you won't give up…"

"I'm not. I'm just…" He brought his eyes to his mother's, "The night I found her with Mark, she begged me to stay. She was convinced we can go through it if I'd stay, but I just…I threw her clothes out, I locked her out in the rain. When I let her in, I left her."

He wiped off a tear, "She must've felt like this that night. Begging for just a chance to make it up, only to have a door slammed in your face. I wish I hadn't left…caused her this…pain…."

"I'm sorry…."

"You think she still loves me?"

"She wouldn't be this upset if she doesn't."

Derek nodded silently.

"Are you hungry?" she asked softly.

"A little."

She gave him a smile, "I'll bring you something."

"Thanks, Mom."

XXXXXXXXX

What Patrick saw when he entered Addison's room, he didn't like. Addie was curled in a fetal position, clutching a pillow, shaking because she was sobbing. Patrick sat next to the love of his son's life and gave her hand a squeeze when Addison buried her face in the pillow.

"I know it's embarrassing…."

Addison pulled down her pillow a little, just enough to reveal her eyes to throw a look at Patrick.

"Okay, embarrassing is an understatement," he agreed.

She set the pillow aside, "I'm sorry…. I keep making things worse…"

"Ssshhh, we all make mistakes."

"I keep making them…I feel like I just made another one, but I just…I just don't want to hurt him again…or myself."

"I know…"

"It'd be easier if we go on our separate ways…. Maybe I should move back to New York, let him start over in Seattle without me…."

Patrick shook his head, "He'll follow you anyway…."

"He said he was afraid of letting me in before…after I came after him. He must've felt like this…scared…. I wish…I wish I had signed the papers first…he'd be happy now…."

"He might be happy for a while, but it won't last."

"You think he really loves me?"

"You wouldn't be here if he doesn't."

Addison managed to give a half smile.

"You're hungry?" Patrick asked.

"No."

"There is some leftover in the fridge if you want something later."

"Thanks, Dad."

XXXXXXX

"You're okay?" Jane asked as her brother made his first appearance a couple of hours after dinner.

"I don't know," he replied, setting down his empty plate on the sink.

"I'm really sorry about earlier…"

Derek leaned against the counter, "Did she eat yet?"

"No," she answered. "Mom said she said she's not hungry."

He nodded, "I'll bring something up."

"Okay." Jane patted her brother's back, "Give her time."

With a tray in his hand, Derek crept into her room calmly. She appeared to be asleep, lying on her side, eyes closed, breathing steady, and clutching a pillow. He breathed a sigh of relieved, at least she won't tell him to go away, he thought.

"_She wouldn't be this upset if she doesn't."_

Placing the tray on the nightstand, he went to her suitcase to find a pair of socks and put them on her to keep her feet warm. He lifted the comforter on the other side of the bed and draped it over her body. Finally, he smoothed her hair, planted a kiss on her cheek, and whispered "I love you" before leaving the room.

Addison had pretended to be asleep when she felt his presence. Taking a deep breath, Addison opened her eyes and scanned her surrounding. She was wrapped blanket, her feet clad in socks, and there was a tray of food on the night stand. She wasn't dreaming when she felt him doing those things, he really was here, and she wasn't dreaming when she heard him said he loved her.

"_You wouldn't be here if he doesn't."_

XXXXXXXXXX

A few hours later, Addison finally went downstairs, bringing her empty tray to the kitchen. The house was dimmed, the kids were already asleep, the adults were either asleep, too, or in the upstairs family room. She tip-toed carefully, determined to make the trip and back without facing anyone. However, when she glanced outside the French door from the kitchen, she saw him.

Derek lying on his back on the oversized hammock, looking at the stars as if they might have some answers for him. He didn't move when he felt her approaching.

She stood by the hammock, watching him. Finally, still staring at the sky, he scooted over. Three second later, she slipped under the throw blanket and lay next to him.

"We're going back tomorrow…" Addison said, barely audible.

"Yeah."

"Derek?" She waited until he acknowledged her, "Where do we go from this?"

He narrowed his eyes, "Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know…" she whispered sadly. "I'm sorry…. I want to trust you, I do…but…."

"You can't now," he finished for her. "I get it…." He rolled on his side, facing her, "I'll wait for you."

She smiled; it was the least she could give him now.

"Addie?"

She turned on her side, mirroring his position, "Yeah?"

"Can I call you sometimes?"

She smiled, "I would love that."

His smile wide at her reply; they remained still for a while, until Derek suddenly laughed.

"What?" she questioned.

He shook his head, "It could've been so much worse this afternoon…."

Addison's face turned red instantly, "Okay, do we really need to relive that?"

"Oh, admit it! Say if they had walked in ten minutes earlier…"

"Oh God…." She rolled on her stomach, burying her face against the hammock.

He draped an arm around and pulled her closer to him, "That would take being caught in uncompromising position to a whole new level…."

She laughed despite herself, he did, too.

"You should get some sleep, it's been a long day." He placed a kiss on her temple.

She cuddled closer to him, "You should, too."

XXXXXXXXX

So there was a make out session and a squee, but sisters walked in. That was beyond embarrassing, but that's not the point. The point is they freakin squeed! Tell me you love me.

Next chapter: neighbors. Here's another secret: someone has a secret, a super deep dark one….


	4. Neighbors

I have been procrastinating on my English journals, and this is what happened when I'm slacking off, I put up an update...

Don't own them. Don't sue me.

Neighbors

Addison plopped down on her sofa with a brown shoe box on her lap, a box she had received from the lobby upon arriving at the high rise apartment building she called home now. Since returning from Boston, she had received flowers, a set of bubble bath necessities, a bottle of wine, and a couple of books among a few other things. All had come from Derek, and all had been delivered to her apartment, never given at the hospital.

In fact, Addison had noticed a few days after they had gone back to work, that Derek never sought her out when any hospital personnel was around. He never walked with her in the hall, he never tried to strike up a conversation at the nurse's station, and he never looked for her in the NICU. Instead, he left post-it's and cookies in her locker, he slipped notes in her lab coat pocket when no one was looking, he sent text messages, and he brought her juju only when he knew she was alone in the on call room.

Addison hadn't minded his non public display of affection, if anything, she was grateful of it. After being the main subject of Seattle Grace's gossips for months, she was welcoming of any privacy she can get. It wasn't until a week later, when she messaged him an invitation to join her table at lunch, that Derek later told her, when they were alone in the locker room, the reason behind his discreetness.

"_If they see me around you too much, they'll start another rumor. I can't have them speculating and gawking into our lives anymore, whatever it is we have now, I want to keep it for us." _

She had hugged him and whispered her appreciation, and later that night she thought about his choice of words, _"Whatever it is we have now". _She told him she wasn't ready to jump right into another relationship and he understood, just like the first six months in med school that he waited as her friend before asking to be more.

Addison speed dialed number one on her phone as she took out three DVDs and several candy bars from the box.

"Hey," his voice came on the other end.

"Thank you."

"Ah, you're at home already."

"Yes…" She wondered at the tone in his voice, "Why?"

"I have a surprise for you," he said excitedly.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm hmm, why don't you go down to 14th," he told her. "No question asked until you get there."

She obeyed.

"Now what?" she asked when the elevator door opened two floors below her apartment.

"Keep going straight and then turn left, then take another left. Tell me when you pass the table with the big vase."

"Okay." She followed his instructions, but just as she was about to round the second left, she gasped and pulled herself back against the wall. She took a peek at the person she just saw to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

She wasn't.

What the hell was Derek trying to do?

She watched as the person fumbled to find the key, "Um Derek, maybe you should come out and see who's outside…."

Derek was grinning when he opened the door, but a frown quickly took over the second he saw the person across from his door, "Mark!"

The other man jumped at the voice, "Derek…"

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked with a very unwelcoming voice.

"What are you doing here?" Mark inquired the same thing.

Then, as if on cue, both of them looked to the right to see Addison approaching.

A confused look crept on Mark's face, "What are you doing here?"

Addison raised one eyebrow, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I live here," Mark answered.

"No, _I_ live here," she stated.

"I live here, too…" Derek informed.

Addison threw him a surprise look for as second and then glared at Mark, "You need to move."

He gave a shrug, "Why?"

"Because she says so," Derek retorted.

"Does Derek move out, too?" he teased.

"No," she replied.

"What?! Not fair, I was here first," Mark protested.

"_I_ was here first," she insisted.

"When did you move in? Mark challenged.

"Almost two months ago."

Derek turned to Mark, "When did you move in?"

"Three weeks ago," he answered,

"Damnit!" Derek cursed.

"Hah!" Mark gloated. "We should have a housewarming party. Invite the hospital staff…"

"Mark!"

He ignored Derek, "We can start of at your place, and then move across the hall to mine…"

"Mark!"

He kept talking, "And at last to yours," he pointed to Addison.

"Mark."

Mark finally gave his attention to Derek when his voice turned serious. "What?"

"Don't mention this to anyone from the hospital. Just don't. I don't want the hospital starting another gossip about Addison and I…and you."

"Please, Mark…"Addison told him.

Mark glanced suspiciously at his former bestfriend and the woman between them. Derek's voice was so serious he was almost pleading. Then he noticed the phones in both Derek's and Addison's hands and her appearance—clad sweat pants and t-shirt and flip flops.

Mark tilted his head, "What happened at the Cape?"

"Nothing," Derek and Addison answered at the same time.

"Uh huh…." He was amused, "Before you left, you two were barely speaking everybody thought you were plotting to kill each other..."

"And let's let them continue with that thought. Don't you have someone waiting for you in there," Addison tried to divert the topic. "Say, uh, _Dr. Torres_."

"_I_ happen to have the night alone." He gave Derek a look, "Unlike _someone _who is expecting," he gave the same look to Addison, "a certain _someone_."

"It's none of your business," Derek tried to end the conversation, "So please, Mark, just keep it to yourself."

Mark sighed, "Fine, but I get to carpool with either one of you."

Addison smacked his arm and shot him another death glare, "Shut up."

XXXXXXXX

Derek smiled as he let Addison into his new home. Things had been going well lately, slow, but he was grateful enough that she hadn't pushed him away. He made an effort to keep it casual at work, he knew she wouldn't appreciate being wooed in front of everyone like the way he had gone after Meredith. Addison didn't need a show of grand romantic gestures in front of Seattle Grace staff to know he loved her.

The day they returned to work, he had heard a few nurses discussing the fact that he and Addison had taken the same vacation days. He had heard the interns wondered to Meredith why Addison had come back with him on Wednesday instead of on Monday like she had previously scheduled. Both had shrugged it off with "Addison got ambushed by the Shepherds to join the family vacation", he to Meredith when she subtly asked, and Addison to Miranda when she bluntly asked.

So the rumor of a possible ex's hook up was squashed as the word got out that Addison simply didn't have a choice but to acquiesce with the Shepherds' request. But then the nurses and everybody else started speculating what a hellish of a vacation it must had been with the former Drs. Shepherds spewing hatred at each other, the poor family one nurse said, and Derek got even more protective of whatever it was his relationship with Addison at this point. To the unsuspecting staff of Seattle Grace, the now Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Montgomery were simply keeping it civil and professional at work.

"You live here now? As in this is your permanent address and your mail goes here, you sleep, eat, and bathe here, live? You who, for less than year, have been the self proclaimed nature freak, lover of the wilderness, live here in one of Seattle's most luxurious apartment building?"

Addison gave him a skeptic look as she took a look around his already furnished apartment. His new living space was a far cry from the trailer, the apartment was as swanky as it can get, she should know, she lived in the same building. It had a spacious kitchen with an equally spacious living room, it had two bedrooms—one he had turned into an office—and two baths, and it boasted a balcony with a view of Seattle's water—ferry boats included—and mountains.

He laughed, "Yes, Addison, I live here now and I like it, plus the added bonus of being closer to you."

"What happened to the trailer you claimed to love so much?"

"I sold it," he simply stated.

"Oh my God…. I actually didn't think there would be a day I'd hear you say this…" she mocked.

"Hey, now!" He feigned a hurt look, but laughed anyway, "What do you think?"

"I like it. Similar floor plan like mine." She grinned, "You actually did a fairly decent job at decorating…."

"Fine," he huffed, "Mock me all you want…."

She giggled and came out to the balcony to check out the view, "It's beautiful out here…."

"Yeah…. Did yours get this or the city skyline?"

"A little bit of both actually, mine on this side, too, but further to the right…."

"You know," he smirked, "I've never been up to yours…."

"Well, you might be lucky one of these days…." She winked and walked inside. "So did you also sell the land?"

"No." He followed her, "I'd like to go back to the lake to fish every now and then."

"Still the fisherman, I see…"

He grinned, "We should go camping there, set up a tent and bonfire and what not…."

She scoffed, "Keep talking to me about going back there to camp when I just got out of living in your trailer, and you'll never see the inside of my apartment…."

Derek erupted into laughter, "Duly noted."

"Why do you sell the trailer anyway if you want to go back there to fish?" She sat on the living room couch and turned the TV on.

"Well…." He sat next to her, "I'm thinking on building something there…later…a cabin maybe, I don't know, something…."

She tapped his knee, "Seeing as Mark is across the hall, you might want to build something there sooner…."

"The universe just hates me…" he grumbled.

"I should go…" She made her way to the door.

"Why?"

"Because…" she said as she peeked through the peephole, "Mark might be watching to see when I'm leaving…."

Derek nudged her aside so he can look through the peephole, "You're crazy, he is not going to spend the night watching our door. He is probably busy with a girl in there."

"Can you see him?"

"Of course not!"

Addison took over the peephole. "Let me see."

"Addie, this is ridiculous, let's just go back to the living room and watch something. Come on…."

She wouldn't budge. "Ooohhh!" she called out. "That liar! He is not having the night alone…"

Derek pressed his head against Addison's, trying to get a peek, "Anyone we know?"

"Is that…" She pushed Derek completely out of her way so she could get a better look.

"You're hogging the peephole!"

She ignored him, "That looks like the radiology technician…."

"No, that is the nurse from Oncology."

"Are you sure?"

"Be quiet. He just opened the door, he can hear you."

"I am quiet!" she insisted.

Mark was about to close his door, but he did a double take at the door across from his. Shaking his head, he gave them a look and pointed a finger to their direction.

"Oh no he didn't!" Addison exclaimed.

Derek turned to face her, "I told you to be quiet!"

She turned away from the peephole, "You were hogging my view!"

Just as she was rolled her head to peek through the hole again, she shrieked, and because Derek was standing so close to her, he tripped when she jumped in surprise and landed on the floor.

"What is wrong with you?" he scolded as Addison tried to help him up.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" she whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" he whispered back.

"Because Mark is standing right in front of your door…."

"Don't open it. He didn't ring the bell, we didn't know he's…."

"Open up, I know you're right there! I can hear you!" Mark spoke from outside the door.

Derek reluctantly opened the door, "Yes, Mark?"

"Were you spying on me?"

"No," Derek and Addison answered.

Mark crossed his arms and threw them a dirty look.

Addison pointed to Derek, "His idea."

"Not!"

"Oh no no… This has you written all over it." Mark pointedly said to Addison.

"You were watching our door to see when I'm leaving!" she defended herself.

"I was not!"

The three of them continued to bicker like the old days until the girl Mark had invited in interrupted the banter.

"Excuse me…. I'm just gonna go…."

All three watched as the girl turned the corner. Derek was the first to burst into laughter, followed by Addison, but Mark was not amused.

"You two owe me."

Derek thought otherwise, "After what you did to me, I think it's the other way around. Tell you what, I'll leave you alone and you'll do the same. You tell a single soul or let it out at work that all of us live here or say anything to anyone about Addison and I, I'll make sure I'll ruin it every single time you bring a girl in there. I'll knock, call, yell for sugar, beer, condom, and everything else embarrassing, and _you_…you just won't get lucky…."

Addison deadpanned, "Derek has a point…a very good point…."

Mark finally he groaned after a minute of contemplating the offer, "Deal…."

Derek nodded, "Alright then. Goodnight, neighbor."

Mark accepted his defeat and went back to his apartment with the obligatory door slamming.

"He is pissed…" Addison noted.

"He'll probably have another girl come up in half an hour to cheer him up…."

"True…." She walked back to Derek's apartment, "That's not the nurse from Oncology…."

He closed the door, "Yeah, she's not from the hospital…."

XXXXXXXXX

"What you doing here?" Meredith asked as she approached Izzie who was leaning on the railing and seemed to be observing something at the nurse's station below them.

Izzie nodded to the nurse's station, "Watching…"

Meredith looked to the floor below, where Bailey can be seen working on her chart and occasionally exchanging a few words with Addison. "You're watching Bailey and Addison?"

"Mostly just Montgomery."

"Why?" Cristina asked as she joined them.

"I've worked with her several times this week. She is different…happy…and she gets a lot of text messages…."

"Montgomery is getting some," Cristina blurted, clearly entertained.

"I wonder who she's going steady with," Izzie mused. "I think it's Prestley from peds, I saw them talking in a corner two days ago."

"Hmm, I saw her cracking up with Jacobson from anesthesia yesterday," Cristina added.

Meredith was clearly out of the loop, "I haven't seen anything…"

"You're too wrapped up in McDreamy to see anything," Cristina replied, still watching Addison below them.

"What's with you and McDreamy anyway?" Izzie finally asked Meredith. "Montgomery is already getting it on with someone, while you and McDreamy…well…are not…."

Meredith sighed, "He said he needed space, I gave him space. He hasn't called, hasn't tried to talk to me, he hasn't even looked at me."

"Obviously, he's lost interest in you," Cristina stated, receiving a nudge from Izzie. "What? I'm telling her the truth!" She turned to Meredith, "Give it up, Mer, it's pathetic."

"He just needs more time," she insisted.

"Seriously, more time?!" Cristina put a hand on her hip, "How long has it been since he gave the space crap?"

"Two months and two weeks."

"He doesn't need more time. He just doesn't need you."

"Cristina!" Izzie scolded.

Before Meredith could respond, Cristina straightened up, "Oh my God…."

"What?" Izzie and Meredith both looked between her and at the nurse's station, where Addison was signing a few charts and giving orders to Karev.

"Evil's Spawn and Satan."

Izzie stood in silence, and Meredith shook her head, "No way!"

"Oh, it makes sense. She let him out of the gynie squad two months ago. We thought he would be Sloan's most faithful worshipper and suck up, but what did he do? He went back to baby business."

"Oh my God…" Izzie uttered, astounded.

Cristina grinned, "This is so much more interesting than you and McDreamy…."

"Anything is more interesting than me and McDreamy right now," Meredith admitted.

XXXXXXXXX

Miranda Bailey glanced toward the red head beside her, "Addison?"

"Yes, Miranda?" Addison answered.

"We're friends, right?"

Addison remained glued to her chart, "Yes…."

"We're friends, and friends tell each other thing, right?"

Addison finally looked up and lowered her voice, "Do you have super deep dark secret you want to confide in me?"

"No." Miranda scooted closer and used her chart to shield their faces from the nosey nurse behind the desk, "_You _have super deep dark secret _you_ want to confide in _me_."

"What?!"

"For starter, you can tell me about these super deep dark secret text messages you've been getting as of late."

"What messages?" Addison played dumb.

Miranda glared, "I see everything. I hear everything."

"I have a lot of friends in New York," Addison maintained, "My friends love me and miss me, they send me messages."

"Uh huh, and these messages from your _friends_ sometimes make you smile like a fool and blush like a giddy six grader?"

Addison's jaw dropped slightly, "I do not smile like a fool and blush like a giddy six grader!"

"Who is this fella who's been keeping you warm at night?"

"Miranda!"

"You tell me it's Sloan, and I'm dragging you up to Psych right now."

"It's not Sloan," she replied quickly.

Miranda smiled smugly, "So there is a someone."

"Ugh…."

"Who is this guy?"

"I thought you were supposed to be the non gossipy person around here!" Addison looked around the deserted nurse's station, the nosey nurse behind the desk had scurried off somewhere when Miranda Bailey sent her Nazi death glares a few minutes ago. "I'm not telling you," she insisted.

"I'm calling you tonight for details," Miranda gave her friend the head up as she left the station.

XXXXXXX

Within a week or two of his moving into his new home, Derek and Addison had established frequent visits to each other's apartment. He'd invite her over for dinner when he made some special dish or she'd invite him over to discuss some difficult cases, they'd watch movies or TV shows and talk about nothing and everything. Gradually, post-divorce Derek and Addison had gotten back to the time when pre-married Derek and Addison were getting to know each other, spending more time together and getting more comfortable with each other as they grew closer.

Addison gasped as she looked through the peephole, "That's the nurse from peds! I know her…what's her name…"

Derek scooted her aside so he can take a peek. Spying, no—not spying he and Addison agreed—taking a look at the women Mark brought to his apartment, had become another ritual for them. "She's pretty…."

"Not hotter than unspecified girl from last week though…."

"You're right."

"Mary! That's her name, Mary, the nurse from peds." Addison glanced at Derek briefly before turning back to the peephole, "I am telling you, if he gets one of my L&D nurses or residents or any members of my team even the rotating med student, I am going out there…."

Derek chuckled, "No, you wouldn't."

"I definitely would."

"No, you wouldn't. Because then, everybody at the hospital would know about us together." He leaned on the door and studied her, "You wouldn't want that, would you?"

Addison peeled herself from the peephole and slowly turned to him as his words repeated in her mind, "us together" he had said. The moment she caught his eyes, Derek placed a hand on her cheek and brought his face closer to hers for a kiss. Addison closed her eyes and savored the taste of his lips on hers, she missed his kiss. She rested a hand on his chest and inched forward to deepen the kiss, he wrapped his other arm around her waist as she did her other around his neck. And at that moment, having Derek pressed against her, deep in his kiss, there was nothing on Addison's mind other than this was right.

She took deep breaths after they broke apart to calm her racing heart and trailed the tips of her fingers along his jaw, "No, I wouldn't want that."

XXXXXXXX

Seriously, all three of them living in the same apartment building amuse me to no end. It'll be even more entertaining had the three of them agreed to carpool…. Aaaaannndd they kissed... Read and review, por favor.


	5. Dates

I'm going to miss Grey's this Thursday (will be out of town until Sunday), and frankly I don't really care. Tv Derek should just go BOOM, along with the bright and shiny and dark and twisty and whiny and slutty Meredith. BOOM…. I want an mp3 of Bailey's God Bless the Child, I'm not kidding, I want that acapella version, twas fabulous…..

Anyway, here's "Dates". I'll never own them.

XXXXXXXXX

The last time Addison Montgomery was in a dating relationship was about fifteen years ago—with Derek Shepherd. Fast forward fifteen years later, she, once again Addison Montgomery after nixing "Shepherd" post-divorce, was dating, once again Derek Shepherd. Three months and a week and two days after Cape Cod and Derek's constant pursue, she told her head to shut up and gave in to her heart, and they had been dating for a month and two weeks and five days and counting.

For someone who was married for almost twelve years, dating had become foreign to her, and it wasn't until two weeks and five days ago that it actually sunk in that she and Derek were really and seriously, once again, a couple. Derek had come to her apartment that morning bearing food, and she had let him stay in her place to finish his breakfast when she was paged three bites into her pancake. That night, she walked into her home to find her dining table romantically set for two and a sleeping Derek on her couch. Her ex-husband—no, boyfriend—had fallen asleep with a book in hand after spending his day off cleaning her apartment, doing her laundry, and cooking her a fabulous dinner. The morning after, Addison found herself watching a slumbering Derek, his arm draped around her waist and her thumb caressing his cheek, as it dawned on her that he was there because he wanted her, she wasn't an obligation.

"Addison…Addison….."

She snapped out of her reverie and looked up to see Richard leaning on the table across from her. "I'm sorry, Richard. What were you saying?"

"Already thinking about what to say in your acceptance speech?" Richard playfully asked.

She gave him her "I'm the best" look, "Of course."

He laughed, "I'll let you get back to your papers. Congratulation, Addie, you deserve it."

"Thanks, Chief."

She glanced around the empty lounge, trying to get a few things out of her mind. Richard had just reminded her of the annual Seattle Grace Hospital banquet, a fund raising event where the majority of the hospital staff was required to attend to participate in the full blown ass kissing to SGH's most generous sponsors and potential donators. Also, a few chosen doctors would receive recognition of their works for the hospital and Seattle community, and it just happened that she, Dr. Addison Montgomery, savior of difficult pregnancies and healer of sick premature babies, was one of the recipients of such accolade.

What was on her mind wasn't the speech she had to make, but her conversation with Derek two nights ago. It was one of those conversations on the subject of their failed marriage that they had slowly begun to sort out in the last month and two weeks and five days. No one could forever ignore the unanswered questions looming over their head, they had spent enough time being angry at each other, and it was finally time to get the bottom of things without throwing names at each other. However, that didn't automatically erase her worry that things may have been too broken to be fixed.

_Derek turned the TV off and took her hand in his, "Okay, your turn."_

_Addison knew what he meant. He had asked her about Mark, she had asked him about Meredith, now he was letting her ask whatever else she wanted to know. She sighed and braced herself, "What made you…in New York…. What made you indifferent? Was it…was it me…?_

"_God, no, Addie," he immediately replied. "I was…I…"_

"_What?"_

"_It's…you know when we first married, we weren't making a lot of money. I had to pay my loans, and there were times we had to use your trust fund to pay the rent…"_

"_It's about money?!" she called out in shock._

"_No!" He held up a hand, "Please, just let me explain."_

_She didn't say anything and let him continued._

"_We talked about it before we got married, and I was more than fine with you having more than I did. It didn't bother me, but there were moments where I told myself that someday I'll make enough of my own to buy any shoes you'd want, take you to a luxurious vacation…. I told myself someday we won't have to rely on your trust fund to get us by…."_

The beep from her cell phone startled Addison, it was a message from Derek, asking if she could meet him in the locker room. No one at work, except for Miranda and Mark, knew of their dating status, and they had decided to keep it that way for as long as they could. She gathered her folders and made her way to the attending locker room, it was the one place where no staff would be suspecting if they saw either her or Derek walking out of it within minutes of each other. After all, every attending was bound to bump into each other there.

Addison cautiously entered the room, making sure no one was around as she approached Derek on the bench. She smiled when she saw the room was empty, barring Derek who was rummaging through his locker. "Hey."

Derek turned around with a grin on his face and enveloped her in a big hug, "Congratulation."

"You heard?" she mumbled to his shoulder, still holding him tightly.

"Of course I did." He kissed her temple and brushed his lips with hers, "So, this banquet…. Do I get to take you as my date?"

"Good question." She loosened her grip on him.

Derek sighed, "I like it this way."

"Yeah, me, too…at least for now." She kissed the tip of his nose, "Maybe we should go with other people…keep unsuspecting minds…."

"You have anyone in mind?"

"Not really…."

Addison studied him for a moment, looking for something to tell her she was worrying about nothing, yet not knowing exactly what she was looking for.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern.

"Nothing."

"_Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_I don't know…. I just didn't think it was a problem. I wasn't jealous, I didn't think about it everyday. I thought it was normal for a husband to want to provide for his wife…." _

"_But you did provide for me," she turned to him. "You were there when I needed you, you loved me, you made me happy…that was more than enough. I didn't care about the things…."_

"_I know," he whispered. "I know…. You're not the kind of person who revels in materials. You enjoy designer shoes," he chuckled, "But they don't define you. You wouldn't marry a non trust fund baby like me if you cared about money."_

He looked straight to her, "We're okay, right?"

She knew he meant about two nights before, "Yeah, we're okay." She smiled in assurance, "I'll wear the dress for you."

Derek could barely contain his excitement and a wide grin spread across his face, "Promise?"

"Promise." She kissed him softly, "You should go back out."

"Okay," he acquiesced, caressing her face with his thumb for a few seconds, "We'll talk about this later."

XXXXXXX

By afternoon, the hospital was abuzz with the rumor that McDreamy had finally made his move to Meredith Grey by asking her to the hospital biggest event of the year, and all hope of the supposed McDreamy-Grey epic love story was rekindled. The staff had begun to believe that their neverending source of gossip had gone kaput, but once the news of the banquet spread, so was the speculation of whether or not McDreamy would take action—which the staff deemed would make or break the couple. What was only a speculation soon grew into the hottest news once a couple nurses saw said couple talking on the stairs about the banquet, and the staff was delighted to hear the sighting because after three months of boring and lame gossips, they could be banking more juicy ones in the near future, thanks to the impending McDreamy-Grey reunion.

Derek Shepherd, however, was not amused by what he had been hearing all day. After three months of what you could say as going incognito, he did not appreciate the sight of the staff throwing him looks and whispering to each other as he passed by, and he definitely did not appreciate that this had given him one text message from Addison, demanding to know what the hell was going on.

He found an empty on call room and quickly flipped open his blackberry to Addison's message.

_You better have a good explanation for this. I know we said about going with other people, but you're taking Meredith? What were you thinking?! If I didn't care about people finding out, I would've yelled your head off already, but apparently you have made your way back to the front page of the tabloid and now people are watching…._

Addison tapped the pen in her hand on the table, she appeared to be working on a journal in the empty conference room in the less crowded hall, but she was anxiously waiting for a reply from Derek. She was not happy about what she had been hearing all day and about the pity looks the staff had been giving her. She quickly reached for her cell phone once it beeped.

_I didn't ask her! You have to believe me, Addie. She passed by when I was going down the stairs, told me people were speculating whether "McDreamy" is taking her to the banquet and said she might as well ask me right there if I was going to. Then I had a 911 and told her I'll get back to her later. I swear that's what happened. I was gonna tell her no, and I'm going to._

Addison was typing her reply when Mark came into the room. She held up a hand, "Get out."

"So, Derek is going with Meredith." He took a seat in across from her, "I heard and I take it from the "get out" that you've heard it, too."

"Not a good time for your smart ass comments," she replied curtly.

"Huh, I was sure this was your plan to keep it quiet. Apparently, I was wrong, because you don't seem too happy…."

She looked up, how she wanted to slap that cocky face.

"I think you should go with me." Mark continued when she said nothing.

"Save it, Mark. Nothing's going to get me into bed with you anymore."

"Oh come on, Addison. We'd make a foursome, don't you think?"

"You sick bastard," she spat out angrily.

Mark only leaned back on his chair, "He's with his mistress, you with your mistress…."

She had lost her patient and was about to kick Mark out of the room when Derek showed up at the door. He stood by the door, watching the hall, making sure no one was around to eavesdrop.

"What are you doing here?" he asked Mark, but then ignored him and averted his attention to Addison. "You have to believe me, I didn't ask her."

"She asked you," she said very stoically.

"Yes," he answered firmly. "Some nurses might have been there and took it out of context. I'm telling her no."

"The whole hospital is already expecting you going with her. You can't say no." Mark rolled his eyes, "That's adding fuel to the fire."

"What are you doing here?" Derek repeated his earlier question.

"Asking Addison to go with me to the banquet."

"What?!" Derek then craned his head out to the hallway, making sure no one heard their conversation.

Mark shrugged, "You're going with Meredith."

"I didn't want to," he hissed.

Addison buried her head in her hands, "What do we do now?"

Mark swirled his chair left and right, "Derek says no, the hospital will be a riot. They want to see McDreamy and Grey, give them what they want for once."

"Derek, I'm telling you, you better do the worst break up scene in front everybody after this," she warned.

"I don't want you to go with Mark!"

"I don't want me to go with Mark, either!"

Mark threw his hands up, "I'm right here!"

"You do realize, going with me isn't going to get you anywhere near getting lucky?"

"Don't worry, I was planning to let you drive home alone. I'll have a room up at the hotel."

Both Addison and Derek threw Mark a dirty look, "You really are a bastard."

"Hey, I'm nice enough to cover your asses," he retorted.

Addison scowled as she made her way out of the room, stopping a second at the door to give Derek's hand a squeeze.

XXXXXXXX.

Three days before the banquet and Addison still couldn't get things out of her mind, to say the least, she was a complete nervous wreck. It wasn't because Derek was going with Meredith, the conversation with Derek that had been on replay ever since she found out about the banquet was what keeping her on the edge.

"_If it wasn't a problem…why…?"_

"_By the time we finished our residency, I had paid off my loans, and we were on our way to make a name for ourselves. I thought it was time to finally work hard, save up, prove myself…but somewhere along the way I lost sight of the most important thing in my life…you…. I got so caught up in work that I forgot my Addie loved spending time with her Derek more than a closet full of shoes."_

"Addie?"

She rolled her head to face Derek, sitting next to her in her living room. He pressed the pause button on the remote control, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Addie, you've been quiet lately…distracted…. What's wrong?"

"I'm just thinking about you going with Meredith," she decided not to tell him the real problem.

"I know it's still hard for you to trust me," he turned sideways so his body was facing her, "But you have nothing to worry about, I'm not going to mess this up with you again…."

"I know you won't," she whispered.

"Then what's been bothering you?"

"Nothing," she really didn't want, well, she didn't know how to tell him.

"Addison," his voice was stern. "We've been good, we've been talking, you can't shut me out like this."

"I don't know, Derek!" she snapped, it sounded harsher than she expected.

"What do you mean you don't know?" He sat up, "Was it something I did, said?!"

"No!" She got up and paced in front of him, "Yes…I don't know…."

"Well, I can't exactly fix it if yo…"

"I don't want you to be jealous!" she blurted out.

"Over Mark taking you to the banquet?!" He reached for her hands, "Of course I'm jealous. I'm supposed to be your date, we're supposed to go together to things like this. But…"

She let go of his hands, "It's not that!"

"Then what is it?!"

"I don't want you to be jealous because I got something and you didn't!"

That immediately sent Derek to a standing position, "What?!"

"What you told me, remember?! You wanted to prove yourself that you can buy me things…I have a trust fund and you don't…. Remember that?!"

"Addie, this is ridiculous!"

"Is it?! The last time I had more than you, it got us here! So tell me if I'm being ridiculous."

He ran a hand through his hair and tried to be calm, "That was a mistake I made. I let my ego and materials get in the way, I was wrong. I don't feel that anymore…"

"That's because now we both make the same amount of money."

"What's that has to do with anything?!" He couldn't keep his voice leveled anymore, "And for the record, we don't. I know about the deal Richard offered to get you to stay in Seattle, you make more than I do. But do I care, Addie? No! Is that a problem for me? No! Because I've learnt from my mistake and this is not a problem anymore!"

"But now you can buy me things. You bought me shoes, clothes…you bought me a Valentino gown! But what if I keep getting something you can't buy? What if…what if I keep getting recognitions and you don't? What if you start to think you have to work more so…so you can have the same…then everything will start all over again!"

"Enough, Addison!" he shouted.

She fell quiet, they had been screaming at each other, but he hadn't raised his voice like this.

"I know I made it hard for you to trust me, but of all the things I've done and said in the last three months, to prove to you that I want us, have they not meant anything to you? Is there really nothing in the last three months that has convinced you, in the slightest bit, that you could trust me?"

Addison moved her mouth to speak, but she remained speechless. She and Derek stood in silence until Derek let out an audible sigh and made his way out of the living room.

He turned around when he heard her footsteps following, "I was never jealous of you, even before, I didn't do it because I wanted to compete…I wanted to make you happy. I'm not jealous…I'm proud of you. I wish I know just what to do to make you believe that."

Derek reached for the door and left her apartment.

_"I wished you'd told me…" _

_"I wish I'd told you, too…. I'm sorry…I know better now, Addie…." _

XXXXXXXXXX

Yea, yea, they're fighting, Addison sighs…. I think she wants to believe him, but after what Derek did, I can understand her being worrisome about this. I want Derek to clean up my apartment, too…and do my laundry…and cook me dinner…. Review please, I'll give you a dolla'….

Next chapter: Banquet. Oh, I've got secret for you this time: Addison has a pointy purse. And because I didn't give you a secret the last time, here's another one: Derek still calls Addison "Dr. Shepherd".


	6. Banquet

Look who's back!

Before we begin with the next chapter, we have a guest appearance in this author's note. Kendel has her play by play of tonight's episode that she would like to share with us all.

A) So I now realize that I am over Callie and George. I liked them, but I am over them. I want Callie to team up with Mark and cause havoc in the halls. Not in a romantic/sexual sense (although I never say no to sex, unless it is MerDer but that usually ends up more like an awkward bludgeoning then a love scene)... where was I? Oh right, so Callie and Mark should be like Batman and Robin, but without the romance and the sex.  
B) and PS although I love the constant parallels between Meredith and her mom, is Shonda forgetting that Richard, 25-30 years later is STILL with his wife and has chosen her over Ellis again. I mean, sucks for all the MerDers, not so much for me.  
C) I approve of Addison's 'be nice to the trampy-husband-stealing-intern' scheme. It will really throw Meredith off when Addison sweeps in and 'steals' Derek back.  
D) Shouldn't conjoined twins be more... identical... They look like brotha's from different motha's. Which means, clearly someone preformed some sort of insane experiment on them. Which would be an awesome story-line. Unfortunately I doubt that the writers are as creative as me. SIDENOTE: If I was a Dr. I would want the red scrubs. Screw the blue, screw the salmon. ACTUALLY. New plan. Addison 'tempts' Derek back by wearing red tailored scrubs and heels. FOOLPROOF. It would work on me. SIDENOTE #2: Cessy just reminded me of something. Ratings. They have been falling as of late. We should make a chart actually. Seriously. So basically there is a direct correlation between ratings and Addek/MerDer togetherness. Addek together a la season 2, ratings go up and up and up. Season 3 the closer MerDer gets, the lower the ratings go. Last week we experienced something interesting. The ratings went up a bit. 'Why?' you might ask. There was drama in Camp Bang, AKA, EVERYONE IS MORE INTERESTING THEN MERDER!!!  
E) Lets talk about how I am stupid. So Grey's is on at 9 and 10 here right. So I watched the first 8 minutes, made the above comments and decided watch the rest at 10. So now someone screwed up somewhere in Canada, cause ER is on the channel where Grey's should be. So I am watching The OC and trying not to vomit. Okay, I am watching ER again, I can't handle The OC. They ruined it. Julie should sleep with Sandy. I'm serious. Well it's 11 now and the channel that should be showing ER is showing Grey's. I can't keep up.  
F) Mark is SO going to fall in love with Izzie. I mean. Shonda should just hire me and save herself some effort.  
G) George...  
H)Seriously, the red scrubs.  
I) I'm bored.  
J) If I had ceiling tiles. I would count them.  
K) And he's yelling. He needs to yell at Derek about wanting wives back. There should be more yelling.  
L) So, my baby turned 5 today, she is more mature then Derek.  
M) Okay, who has sex with conjoined twins. For serious. You know this is the most blatant metaphor EVER for Derek/Addy/Mark. Did she choose the Mark or the Derek? Now I don't know which is the Derek and which is the Mark. I think she choose the Derek... I have thought about this to much and confused myself. It could go either way...I am almost sure she picked the Derek. And for the record. If you are going to sex one conjoined twin it's only polite  
to sex the other one too. It's just manners people.  
N)George... GEORGE. For christ sakes.  
O) Shaky cam.  
P) Seriously. Izzie and Mark. Seriously.  
Q) I have floor tiles... I could count those...  
R) Mark LOVES IZZIE.  
S)HOW can an episode about CONJOINED TWINS be so lame and boring. I am more interested in the red scrubs. Not the Dr. in the red scrubs. Just her scrubs. I think I have actually written just as much about the red scrubs as I have about the twins.  
T) Either my chair or my desk is squeaking.  
U)I should care more about this separation, and the 4 functioning legs. Maybe I would care more if they had red scrubs...  
V) Why is Meredith such a bitch. Why can't she GET to know them. She didn't  
know Cristina this side of... well according the Shonda's laws of continuity... less then a year. So why can't you get to know your stepmommy. I am not saying move in and spend Christmas with them, but maybe you sit down and watch the weather network. Thats not very threatening now is it.  
W) Well I am glad that George's dad didn't die. But mostly cause... I dunno, sad and depressed George is annoying.  
X) OK. LMAO okay. Meredith's street clothes. It's like... the female version of that outfit that Derek wore all season one. I think that the wardrobe department hates MerDer and is making them share clothes.  
Y) Cristina is all she has? Interesting. I thought you had a McDreamy...  
Z) I repeat. HOW is an episode about about CONJOINED TWINS so lame and boring. They need more Addek and red scrubs. STAT.

Jebus Ken, that was LONG…. Here's "Banquet":

XXXXXX

Her hair was up in an elegant do, strands of lose curls framed her face, her make up flawless, her jewelry in place, and her dress perfectly fit her figure as if it was custom made for her body. The dress, Addison sighed as she stared at herself in the mirror, the dress from Derek. Derek, they hadn't talked much since the fight, their first fight since getting back together. They had been rather quiet leading up to tonight, exchanging "how are you" in the empty stairwell, an occasional "how was your surgery" in text messages, a couple very short phone conversations, and that was pretty much it. There were no post-its on their lockers, no notes in their lab coat pockets, no coming over to each other's place, and definitely no "I'm sorry"—at least not yet.

The bell rang and Addison grabbed her purse and shoes and made her way out. She had hoped Derek would be at the door to take her down to the lobby to meet Mark there, but they were still fighting, so Mark was the one standing outside her door.

"Wow…." Mark scanned her up and down, "You know…no one will notice we're late as long as you're there to get your award."

Addison smacked him with her purse, which she deemed an effective weapon against Mark's future innuendos and possible wondering hands, "Jackass."

"Feisty tonight, I like…." Mark quickly kept his mouth shut as soon as he saw Addison lifting her purse again.

"Have you seen Derek today?" she asked as they stepped into the elevator.

"Not since this morning when I asked if he was going to come and get you…."

"Oh…," a disappointment clear in her voice, "I guess he didn't want to, huh,"

"Derek won't notice if you don't drive home tonight, you know, he has to take Meredith ba…. Ow!!!" he yelped when her purse hit him for the second time in ten minutes. "I don't like that purse, very pointy…."

She shot him daggers, "You keep this up, the purse will kill you before you even take a girl up to your room."

Mark hadn't had the time to shoot a comment back when the elevator opened to reveal Derek. He stood there for a moment, locking eyes with Addison, obviously taking in her appearance.

"You're coming, man?" Mark's voice broke the silence.

Derek stepped in to stand next to Addison. "You're look gorgeous," he whispered.

She smiled, "Thank you. You look handsome, yourself."

The rest of the ride was awkwardly silence until they reached the lobby.

"Hands off her, Mark," Derek warned before they went their separate ways to their cars.

Addison couldn't hide her smile, and once again nudged Mark with her purse when, after Derek was out of sight, his hand ventured dangerously low on her back as he ushered her to the car.

"You heard him, hands off."

"You're no fun," he grumbled.

XXXXX

The ballroom of the ritzy hotel was full with Seattle's finest doctors and top executives mingling with each other. This was no everybody-was-invited Prom at Seattle Grace, this was a high society event attended by Seattle's top businessmen as Seattle Grace's biggest donators and possible investors, and the hospital's board members and finest doctors—no nurses except the high rank heads of departments, no residents except the senior year residents, and absolutely no interns except brought as dates, namely Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang.

Five minutes into the banquet, Addison was already tired from the pretentiousness in the room, she felt like a pageant girl flashing smiles everywhere, shaking hands nonstop, and giving her best ass kissing acting to the executives—who better write many, many zeros on their check tonight, she thought.

"Your _boyfriend_ has arrived," Mark noted, just as he and Addison ended a conversation with someone whose name he had already forgotten.

Addison craned her neck up to catch a sight of Derek making his way into the room and already being shoved by a hospital's chairman to the throng of CEO's. She noticed Meredith was looking nice but very perplexed—a common reaction to someone as inexperienced as a young intern, her hand rested on Derek's arm, the way hers has been on Mark's as they went about the room.

She averted her attention somewhere else as Derek and Meredith disappeared in the sea of people. She let Mark went to get drinks for them and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Miranda and Tucker approaching.

"You've been working the room, I've noticed," Miranda teased after they greeted hello.

"I'm a seasoned pro at this," she joked. "I could give you a pointer or two. How are you doing, this is your first time, yeah?"

"My first, and unfortunately, not my last."

Addison chuckled at the dismayl in Miranda's voice, "I know what you mean, but it could be worse. Be glad you don't live in Manhattan…."

XXXXX

An hour and a half later, all the guests were enjoying their dinner as several speeches were made and recognitions were given out. Dinner had gone rather well, Derek thought, the conversation was light and filled with jokes and teasing, and nothing of personal matters. He and Meredith were seated on the same table with Burke and Cristina, who he thought looked very uncomfortable at this uptight ball, Bailey and her husband, Richard and Adele, who had recently reconciled, and of course, Mark and Addison, who was sitting right across him. Fight or no fight, it was hard not to look at her and marvel at how beautiful she was.

"Addison, it's time," Richard announced.

Richard went up to the podium to make his introductory speech, while Addison waited on the side of the stage. Derek smiled at her when she landed her eyes on him. She smiled back.

The room clapped distinctly when Dr. Addison Montgomery walked onto the stage to receive her recognition. Derek made it an effort not to break into a huge grin or clap too enthusiastically, but this time he couldn't keep his eyes off of her as she began her speech. He was proud of his Addie.

"It's a good thing everyone is too busy watching her to notice your ogling," Miranda carefully whispered as she subtly leaned to him.

"I'm trying very hard no to, trust me," he whispered back, eyes still on Addison. "But she's just gorgeous, isn't she?"

"You're proud of her," she stated.

"How could I not be? She deserves it." He finally turned his focus to Miranda, "I wish she'd believe that."

"Still fighting?"

"She told you?"

Miranda nodded.

He sighed, "It's my fault, should've known she needs time…."

"You really love her, don't you?"

"I do."

Derek gave Miranda a smile as Addison's speech ended and the room was once again filled claps.

XXXXXXX

Meredith watched the dance filled with couples as the music started after the awards were given out. She watched as Burke led Cristina onto the dance floor, then Richard and Adele, even Bailey, the notorious Nazi, was on her way to dance with her husband. She waited for her turn, but Derek seemed more interested in finishing his cheesecake. Mark and Addison were talking with several people from the table behind them.

She leaned to Derek, "Do you want to dance?"

He put down his fork. His plate empty, no last piece of cheesecake for her. "I don't dance."

"Yeah, you told me that."

He took a sip of his wine.

"But you danced at prom."

"But that was with Addison," he blurted without thinking.

She felt a slight pang at the admission, "Oh…."

Derek immediately realized what he said, "I'm sorry, that was rude of me." He extended a hand and smiled, "Would you like a dance?"

They swayed slowly and silently. She was thinking of something to say. His mind was somewhere else, as was his gaze.

"We haven't talked in a while," she finally decided to say something, anything.

He turned to her for the first time since they began dancing, "I, uh, been busy... How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Very good."

"You know, I was…I was thinking of visiting you at the trailer…. But you wanted space, so…plus, the last time I came without notice…."

He nervously laughed, "Nancy…yeah…. I don't live there anymore."

Her eyes widened, "What?"

"I sold the trailer. I moved."

A familiar music filled the room.

"Whe…?"

"I'm sorry, I need to go to the restroom. Would you excuse me?"

XXXXXXXX

"You sure Derek won't kill me for this?" Mark asked as they started to dance among the many couple on the dance floors.

She locked eyes with Derek over Mark's shoulder, "He's dancing with Meredith."

"Not that I'm not grateful for this, because I've been hit more times that it is legal with your purse," he said and she chuckled, "But I don't want angry Derek. I mean, he's been friendly, you know…."

"He won't kill you," she assured him and bit her bottom lip when Derek winked at her over Meredith's shoulder.

She looked up, "Mark, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Covering for Derek and I tonight…and for weeks?"

Mark gave her a half smile, "Because…you're my family. I miss the old us, Derek, you, and me. Like I've said, he's been friendly, he doesn't scowl when he sees me, and he even talks to me. He's happy again, and you, too…like old times, I like that."

"Why can't you be nice like this all the time?" she humored.

"Because…what's the fun in that?!"

Addison shook her head but laughed anyway, typical Mark, leave it to him to ruin a good moment.

XXXXXXXX

Derek was glad to find a secluded waiting area next to the ballroom, he could still hear the music, but the small section was deserted and the curtains tied to the sides of the wall shielded him a little from the hall. He was dancing with Meredith, but with this particular song, he couldn't. With his elbow rested on his knees, he buried his face on his hands, slightly massaging his forehead. Arguments were normal in his and Addison's relationship, but they were just healing from a deep wound and he was afraid one fight could rip it open and deeper and too hurt to heal.

He didn't hear her coming into the area, but he knew she was there standing in front of him. He looked up to see her hand extended toward him.

"Dance with me," she asked softly.

He graciously took her hand and held her close.

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too," he replied.

"I'm sorry I doubted you."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I should've been more understanding…."

"I do trust you…not fully there yet, but it's there…."

"Yeah?"

She leaned her forehead against his, "I trust you going with Meredith tonight…. I trust you won't kill Mark tomorrow for dancing with me…."

He chuckled, "I'm very glad to hear that."

"And I know you're not jealous."

He pulled back to look at her.

"When I was on the stage, I kept finding you in the crowd…and everytime I saw you, you had this look. You were looking at me like you used to…like the day we became doctors and I walked on the stage to get it…like the day I made my first incision, first surgery, and the rest of the surgeries you've watched before everything fell apart…. And I see that you meant what you said that night, you're proud of me."

He kissed her. And a kiss soon turned passionate and tongues started to duel and hands started to roam, and all of the sudden Derek pulled back. "I enjoy ripping clothes off of you, but this dress is too perfect, and I want to see you in it more than once…."

Addison grinned, "I wasn't about to let you ruin it."

He kissed her again, "Can we leave now?"

"No." She kissed him back, "But…I…have…this," she said in between kisses and pulled out an enveloped card from her purse.

Derek gave her a questioning look.

"Mark's room, and if we are efficient with time," she purred and winked, "We can get it back to his pocket before he notices it's gone…."

"My Addie, the pickpocket," he mockingly gasped, then kissed her again, "You are ruler of all that is evil…."

She giggled in his kiss.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mark sauntered back to his table, if one more old unattractive rich wife asking him for a boob job, he grumbled under his breath. He joined Meredith and Cristina, who were both without their dates, "Hello, ladies."

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked while Cristina rolled her eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be out there?"

"I need a moment apart from the old wives desperate for plastic surgeries." He watched as Cristina played with her empty glass and Meredith staring mindlessly at the centerpiece on their table, "Where are your men?"

"Somewhere on the way to the restroom or back from getting drinks…."

"Somewhere with those rich executives…."

Meredith turned to him, "Where is Addison?"

"Same thing…."

Cristina got up from her chair, "I'm going to get some more drink, because Burke certainly isn't getting it…."

"You wanna dance?" Mark motioned to the open dance floor.

"No…."

"Waiting for Derek?"

She didn't want to admit it.

He offered his hand, "Derek doesn't dance to this song with anyone but Addison."

Another pang came to her.

"Met over coffee, 'can I call you sometimes', I like your hair…dress…," Mark explained. "It's a long story, but it's their song." He kept his hand out to her, "So…one song?"

She stared at Mark's extended hand briefly. Derek had been…distant, he tried to make her feel comfortable but he wasn't attentive. And if what Mark said was true, she'd be sitting here while Derek would rather spent his time talking with people he didn't know than dancing with her. She let out an audible sigh and took Mark's hand.

XXXXXXXX

Eleven floors later, the couple stumbled along the corridor of the hotel, Derek walked behind his Addie, arms circling her waist, lips planting trails of kisses on her neck and bare shoulder, while Addison tried to keep her eyes open to find the room. Once inside, it took a second before her lips were on his again, pressing him against the door, undoing his tie and the buttons of his dress shirt. She kicked her shoes off, he did the same with his, as he gently moved her further inside the room, and shrugging out of his tux and shirt as they made their way to the bedroom.

Her hands tumbled with the buckle of his belt as his own unzipped her dress, a moan escaped when she felt the touch of his hand on the skin of her back. Derek carefully helped her stepped out of the dress and laid the delicate piece of clothing on the couch while she let her hair fell around her shoulder. Once he deemed the dress safe, he wasted no time before he forced a kiss and let his hands ran over her smooth skin.

Addison giggled when he lifted her up, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck, "In a hurry, Dr. Shepherd?"

He gave her that sexy smirk of his, "If it weren't for your dress, Dr. Shepherd…."

He didn't finish the sentence as he laid her down on the bed, he couldn't think, not that Addison could think any better.

XXXXXX

Less than an hour later, Derek and Addison made their way back to their respective dates. His tie, shirt, and tux were still perfectly placed, while her dress, make up, and hair were as impeccable as the moment she walked into the ballroom; to everyone else, they looked the same.

"Hey," Addison said as she came up behind Mark at the bar.

Mark turned around and sipped his drink, "Took you long enough."

"Yeah, well, you know…." She motioned to the people, "A lot of ground to cover."

"I bet," he replied, not really believing her excuse.

"Which is why," she linked her hand in his arm, "We should start saying goodbye, because I'm heading home and you can…pick a girl or something…."

Mark gave her a sarcastic look, "Very considerate of you…."

XXXX

Derek ushered Meredith towards the exit of the ballroom, but not before locking eyes with Addison across the room and giving her a subtle nod.

"So, you had a good time?" he tried to make a small talk as he drove to her house.

"Yeah…somewhat… It's not my kind of thing…."

He nodded, "Lucky for you, you don't have to do this for another 5 years or so…."

She let out a small laugh.

"Meredith…." He waited until she faced him, "There is something I need to tell you."

"Okay."

"I've been thinking…with this space…."

She rumpled her dress with her fingers, "You figured out what you want?"

"I did." He glanced at her before focusing back on the road, "And um…."

"Oh…." she let out in realization as he fell into silence, just like the first time he continued scrubbing when he couldn't tell her he had picked Addison.

"I was broken when we met. I was running from my life." He finally looked at her when they stopped at a red light, "Then I met you, and you and Seattle were everything my life is not. I told myself I loved you to forget the past…convinced myself that I could move on. I thought I could start fresh."

"We could still start fresh," she whispered.

"No…. I have too much baggage to sort out, and I can't sort it out with you."

She felt her eyes wet with tears, "I'm not the one…."

Derek looked at her sadly and shook his head, "No…. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I hurt you again."

"Is Addison the one?" she asked, but couldn't look at him, instead she looked out the window.

"She is," Derek answered and continued driving when the light turned green.

"How did you know she's the one?"

"Addison, she…. I know she wouldn't leave me…not if I don't leave her first…. I know she loves me more than enough that she'd fight for me—us, and she did."

"But she hurt you…Mark…."

"Because I wasn't there when she needed me, I haven't been there for her in a long time. Then I left, and she stayed with Mark…but she came back. Addison…she's not the kind of person who would let something go without trying for another chance…. I didn't give her that chance when I said I would."

"You're going back to her?"

He didn't answer.

XXXXXX

So, as those of you who are in school know, finals are coming up meaning the neverending pile of exams, papers, and projects, meaning little time to write, meaning a delay in the next update… Boo school booooo!!!

Please review, because reviews make me wanna procrastinate on school, and that is good if you want an update soon…. I'm just sayin'…. And while you're at it, drop Kendel some love, too, for her play by play of tonight's episode….

Next chapter: Rumors. And I have a secret: Mark is cranky…and he's not the only one feeling like crap….


	7. Rumors

So I have finals…and it's impossible not to procrastinate…so I've got this for you…. I still don't own them.

Rumors.

XXXX

Mark Sloan was not in a happy mood.

He woke up alone that morning. Mark Sloan does not like to wake up alone.

Especially not after he planned on _not _waking up alone the night before. Not after he paid a five hundred dollars a night suite at the hotel where the banquet was held. Not after he and a sexy socialite had been in a frisky make out session in the elevator on the way to said suite. Not after clothes had been discarded on the way to the bed, which was already strewn in what was an obvious sign of a previous romp. Not after he managed to convince the girl that the unmade bed was due to him and him only sleeping there that afternoon, only to have the girl found a pair of expensive earrings on the nighstand. A pair Mark was very familiar with.

"Quite a night you had, Addison," Mark said coldly.

She looked up and studied him, "Let me guess, the girl you brought last night wasn't good?"

"Funny you should ask." He inched closer, invading her personal space, "Because I had a feeling she'd be very good, but I didn't get a chance to find out…thanks to you."

She stepped back, gaining back her space, "I'm not following…what…?"

"Don't play stupid. I know what you did."

"I don't."

Mark crossed his arms, "Let's recall this, shall we? You stole the key to my room, you went up to my room, you had a crazy sex in my room—which I can gather from the sight of the disarrayed bed, and you put the key back in my pocket."

"I…."

"Nuh uh uh, I'm not finished. Then_ I_ went up to my room, _I_ planned on having a crazy sex in my room, but did I? No. Why? Because the girl thought I have already had a crazy sex with someone else in there."

Addison was struggling between trying not to laugh and trying to put a guiltless face, "It could be a break in…."

"Huh, I tried that, but that didn't work. Why? Because then she found these."

Mark reached something from his pocket and slammed the items on the counter, turning heads from a few staff near the nurse's station. And for the first time, he broke out a sweet smile at Addison and made sure the few people nearby heard what he said next.

"You left your earrings in my room last night."

XXXXXX

As if the hospital wasn't already bubbling in anticipation of the next development between McDreamy and Grey, the staff rejoiced in the prospect of juicier gossip now that it was revealed that Addison and Mark were still getting hot and heavy with each other.

Addison pulled out her phone soon after Nurse Carson exited the NICU and furiously typed a reply to Derek.

_You heard it already?! It's only been half an hour! Mark, that jackass! So…who's gonna break up first, you and Meredith or Mark and I? _

She sat in front of an incubator as she waited for a reply and the alert infant turned to her when she reached to touch his tiny hand.

"Hey, little guy," she cooed. "You probably have heard all the gossip, too, haven't you? What do you think, should I kick Mark's a…um, butt all the way back to New York?"

Her phone beeped and a smile formed as she read the message. "Hmm, maybe that won't be necessary. I'll see you later, little guy."

XXXXX

"Dr. Montgomery," Derek formally addressed the redhead by the surgical board.

"Dr. Shepherd," she returned the formality, a twinkle in her eyes betrayed the straight face she put on.

Derek looked around the surgical wing. Two interns were sitting on the stairs behind them, a resident was writing on the board in front of them, an attending was discussing a plan of action with an intern nearby, and three nurses were getting supply from the nearby shelves in the hall. He deemed the surrounding perfect. "So, I heard. You and Mark?"

"Yes," she replied, a little louder to make sure she could be heard. "You and Meredith?"

He shrugged, "She was my date last night, yes. I didn't know that you and Mark still…."

"Oh, well…. It's unfortunate that this got out now..."

"How so?" Derek once again scanned the hall, no one has moved from their original spots, if anything they were closer to him and Addison and the resident was writing awfully slowly on the board.

She leaned into Derek as if she needed privacy, but her volume remained the same, if not louder, "I'm planning to end it."

He acted surprised, "Really? I'm sorry, not that it's my business anymore, but…."

"Oh, don't worry about it. He just…lately, um…how do I say this…."

"You can tell me anything," he said sweetly and smiled, "We're friends."

"That we are, aren't we? Well…Mark has been uh….having a problem…." She pretended to cough, "In the bedroom."

Addison and Derek swore one of the three nurses must had giggled.

Derek looked amused, "Wow…who would've thought…."

Addison nodded, "I know, right? He's been uh….having, um…. You tell this to anyone and he's going to kill me, Derek," she warned.

"I won't tell, I promise," he assured.

"He's…uh…." She stepped closer to him, "Premature…."

The resident writing on the board dropped her marker.

The attending and his intern snapped their heads up and gaped.

One of the interns behind them choked on his drink.

He widened his eyes, "Ooohhhhhh…."

Addison bit her lips, oh how she wanted to laugh. "Mmm hmm…."

XXXXXXXX

At lunchtime, Derek and Addison managed to secure a moment alone in the locker room, sitting on the bench and clutching their stomach in laughter.

"I can't believe you came up with that…."

Addison couldn't utter a reply, instead, she wiped a tear that fell from laughing too hard.

Suddenly, Derek went into a series of unpleasant coughs.

"Honey, you're okay?"

"Yeah," he choked out. "Too much laughing, I guess…."

"You said your throat felt a little…weird this morning." She put the back of her hand against his neck, "You're warm."

"It's nothing, Add." He took her hand off his neck and kissed it, "Probably fatigue catching up, I'm fine."

"Derek…"

"I just need a nap and a good night sleep, that's all. I'll be fine." He smirked, "If someone hadn't kept me up last night…."

She pursed her lips, "You weren't complaining. If I remember right, you en…."

The two of them jumped apart from each other and pretended to look through their lockers when the door was heard opened. They both sighed in relief when Mark appeared, albeit with a sour face.

"What's the problem, Mark?" she asked.

"Oh wait, I heard about the problem," Derek teased.

Addison giggled.

"What did you say? What rumor did you spread?"

She deadpanned, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, you tell me right now why every female intern, every female resident, every female attending scurries away everytime I strike a conversation and why every male intern, male resident, and male attending throws me pity looks everytime I pass by!!"

Derek and Addison threw each other a look.

"I uh…I might have let out that you were um…the original thirty second man…." she confessed.

"You what?!!!"

"You left your earrings in my room," she imitated his ton earlier. "You get yourself into this!"

"It's your fault that everyone thinks you're dating my Addie," Derek added.

"Everybody thinks you're dating Meredith, do you spread rumor about her sexual shortcoming, too??!!"

Addison covered her mouth with a hand, stifling her laugh. Derek just looked down to the floor to hide his amusement.

"You clear this up right now!" Mark demanded.

She sighed, "After lunch."

"No. Right. Now."

Derek and Addison chuckled, "Fine."

XXXXX

Not two hours after lunch, Derek Shepherd can barely walk straight that he bumped into Richard in the hallway.

"Jesus, Derek," Richard scolded.

"Sorry, Chief," he apologized.

"What's wrong with you?" the Chief asked, noticing the attending's disheveled appearance.

"I'm fine," Derek brushed off the question.

"You don't look fine."

"I'm just tired. I'm going to catch a nap if you'll excuse me," Derek said as he touched Richard's arm to move past the older man.

Richard stopped him from walking, "You're sick."

"I just need to lie down, I'll be fine," Derek insisted.

"You're going home," Richard ordered, taking the younger man towards the nurse's station. The Chief sat his two million dollar a year star surgeon on a chair and launched into a lecture before Derek could protest. "You look pathetic. You're not going anywhere near a single patient. You are definitely not going inside any OR until at least tomorrow. I don't want my surgeon walking around spreading illness. I'm calling you a cab."

"Richard, you sound like my mother," Derek groaned.

"What's going on?" Addison asked with concern as she approached the station. As soon as Derek came into view—a miserable view, she rushed behind the desk and knelt in front of his chair. "My God," she said as she put a hand on his forehead.

"It's no big deal, Add…."

"No big deal? Your throat's been hurting since morning, you were warm earlier and now you're burning up. You're sick…very sick."

Richard was taken aback at the display in front of him, the formers Drs. Shepherds, whom he thought were no more than colleagues after their divorce, were being awfully close to each other. Addison had one hand on Derek's knee, the other still pressed against his skin, feeling his temperature on his forehead, his cheek, his neck. Derek didn't seem to be bothered as he had one hand on top of Addison's on his lap—not that Richard thought Derek had the energy to say otherwise because he was miserable at the moment, and they seemed to be oblivious that several staff had gathered to see the commotion.

"I'm calling a cab to take him home," he informed Addison.

"No, I'll take him home," she replied instantly.

"Baby, I'll be fine on my own," Derek gently turned down the offer.

She ignored him and looked up to the Chief, "Richard, I need to take him home."

Richard sighed, "But I want you back within a couple of hours. I'll let Brown know to cancel his surgeries and transfer his cases."

"Thank you."

Richard patted her shoulder before leaving the station, "You make sure he's absolutely ready before he goes back to work."

She smiled, "I will."

Derek leaned back in his chair, "You have to clear me? Great…I won't be back until next month…."

"Oh, please…." She kissed the top of his head as she got up, "I'm going to get out things and then we can go."

"Okay," he faintly answered, leaning forward to lay his head on the desk. It dawned on Derek that there were people watching, but his head was spinning out of control he would deal with it later.

"Hey, Addison asked me to get you down to the lobby," Mark walked up to him a minute later.

Derek tried to stand up very slowly, but sank back down to the chair when he saw Meredith standing on the steps by the nurse's station. By the flash of hurt in her eyes, he knew she had figured things out.

Mark crouched down to help him stand up, "Derek…."

"You lied to me!"

The two men looked up to see Meredith marched towards them.

"I didn't lie to you," Derek replied weakly.

"You wanted space. I gave you space. But you've been with her this entire time?! You asked me to the banquet!"

"He didn't ask you to the banquet," Mark spoke up.

Meredith shook her head, "Yes, he did!"

"No, he didn't. _You_ did!"

"Oh God…" Derek put his head back down on the desk. He didn't have it in him to explain to Meredith or to listen to the argument, his head was pounding.

"The rumor, Meredith! Everybody was buzzing whether or not he would take you, isn't that why you asked him in the first place?!"

"He could've said no! Why didn't you say no, Derek?!"

"To satisfy this goddamn gossip hungry hospital!" Mark unintentionally raised his voice. "Because all of you," he spoke as stared down at every staff near the area, "Won't leave him alone if he didn't take you! He and Addison just wanted to keep their relationship between them…"

"You used me," she seethed at Derek, who by now was praying for his death.

"He never meant to," Mark lowered his voice, "I told him to go with you so the rumor would stop…. It's my fault, Meredith….."

"You're on their side," she scorned.

"They're my family!"

"Why, Derek?!"

He slightly lifted his head from the desk.

"I want to know why!"

Derek closed his eyes, "Not now, Meredith, please…."

"You told me you loved me. You chased me. I broke up with Finn for you…."

"I told you last night…."

"I waited for you!!! But you were off fucking that adulterous bitch!"

"Don't you dare call Addison names, Meredith!" Derek rebuked, using every ounce of him to fully sit up.

"And you are a cowardly bastard!"

Mark moved to block her from Derek, "That's enough, Meredith!"

"He went after me! He picked her and he still went after me. He told me he loved me. They're divorced! We're supposed to be together, but once again he had to pick her! What do I have to do for him to pick me?! Sleep with you? Oh wait, that won't work because I'm not Addison Shepherd!!!"

Meredith was struck by her own words and stood still. She swallowed as she cast a glance to her left, meeting the stares of several doctors and nurses who had gathered. She mentally counted to calm her fuming breath and saw Mark giving her a sympathetic look. She saw the chair Derek was sitting on empty, and as she continued to glance around the nurse's station area, she caught Derek by the elevator, Addison by his side, keeping him standing upright. They were both looking at her, visibly taken aback by her meltdown. A ding was heard and the door opened, Addison and Derek quickly broke their gaze from her and stepped in the elevator.

Meredith had never felt so humiliated. The panties on the board was nothing compared to the debacle she just made out of herself. She silently cursed herself as she left the area. A scene from the day before prom came to mind, she remembered that look on Addison's face after her outburst, and now she knew what the other woman felt that day.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison placed the cool damp cloth on Derek's forehead and ran a hand through his hair. They hadn't talked about what happened, mainly because Derek could only manage a few words out, his throat hurt, his body ached, his fever high, his head pounded. She hated seeing him being sick like this, and she hated even more the fact that she couldn't stay to take care of him.

She cupped the side of his face with a hand and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. Derek opened his eyes when she pulled apart. Her thumb caressed his face, "I'll try to get out early."

"People know…."

"I guess it's time…."

"You're okay…?"

"It's fine. I didn't expect to keep us under wrap for much longer anyway." She gave his hand a squeeze, "It doesn't matter, we're still us."

He smiled.

She smiled, too, and changed the cloth one last time, "Go back to sleep, baby."

Derek obediently closed his eyes. Addison smoothed the comforter and gave another peck on the tip of his nose as she got up. She picked up his pullover and pants from the floor and threw them on the hamper. With one last look at his sleeping form, she left for the hospital.

XXXXXXX

Addison ignored the looks from the staff as she returned to the scene, to hell with these nosey people. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Miranda Bailey approaching, "You must've heard, yea?"

"People are talking," the resident answered.

"I bet."

"How's Derek?"

"Miserable."

"I can't believe she made a scene like that." Miranda shook her head, "Interns…."

Addison sighed, "I just hope this is the end of it all. They know and the can move on…."

"You're alright?" Miranda inquired.

"Yeah, they're bound to find out soon or later anyway…."

The sound of pager interrupted their walk. "It's me, transfer from L.A, extremely high risk. Miranda, I really need someone on this, desperate actually. I'll even take you if you're free…."

Miranda chuckled, "I'll find someone to you."

XXXXXXX

Half an hour later, Addison found herself standing beside Meredith Grey waiting for MRI images of Karen Lacey to show. Apparently, all of Miranda interns were in surgeries except for Meredith who had been ordered to do scuts as a punishment for her unprofessional outburst. Ironic for Meredith, the subject of her meltdown was her savior from the ever tedious scuts.

Addison felt the glares Meredith cast in her direction. Addison chose to remain silent, after all what was she supposed to say? Oh, I'm sorry, my ex-husband dated you but picked me, he had sex with you at prom and divorced me to be with you, yet he still picked me in the end? So, awkward silence it was, Addison decided.

"How could you?" the intern hissed, breaking the stillness in the room.

"You're divorced…. He is my boyfriend!"

"We were married. He was my husband."

The red head turned toward the younger woman, "Have you ever thought about that, Dr. Grey, when you were "friends" with him and when you had sex with him at prom?"

Meredith swallowed back the words she had planned to say and let the silence refilled the space between them.

"Take Mrs. Lacey back to her room and go back to your scuts. Tell Bailey I don't want a distracted intern working on my case, "Addison ordered, never once breaking eye contact. "Now you know how it feels, karma's a bitch, Dr. Grey."

XXXXXXX

Addison let out a sigh as she entered Derek's apartment. It had been a long day and she was glad to finally be out of the hospital. Kicking her shoes to the side, she peeked into the bedroom, Derek appeared to be asleep. She went back to the kitchen to fix a quick dinner.

"Addie?" he called as she entered his bedroom with a bowl of chicken soup.

She put the bowl on the nightstand and put a hand on his forehead, "How are you feeling?"

He groaned.

"Your fever's gone down a little." She massaged his temple, "I brought you chicken soup."

"Not hungry…."

"Derek…."

He pouted.

She sighed, "You'll eat it when it's not as hot."

He watched her as she went to the bathroom to wash up and then to his dresser and changed into his shirt and boxer. His clothes were big on her frame, but my God, if he hadn't been on his bed sick as a dog, he'd ravish her right at this moment. How she managed to look that sexy in his shirt and boxer, he had no idea. She took another shirt out of his dresser and helped him changed into the clean shirt, propping the pillows behind him in the process.

He groaned when she lifted the bowl, "Addie…."

"It's Mom's recipe. You love it." She brought a spoon to his mouth, "Open."

He reluctantly did and she lovingly and patiently fed him spoon by spoon of the chicken soup.

"People talked?" he asked. He hated that she had to go back to work alone this afternoon.

She fed him the last spoon, "The expected wondering how long we've been together…since when…."

He took the two pills from her hand and drank the water from the glass she held for him. She put the pillows down and he sank back to his bed.

"Thank you," he said gratefully, squeezing her hands.

She smiled and kissed the top of his head before climbing over him and slipping on the space next to him.

"Did Meredith say anything rude to you?"

She sighed.

He did as well, "I'm sorry."

"You hurt her again…." she said sadly.

"I know…I…"

"Ssshhh…. Don't worry about it. Go to sleep…."

He pulled his blanket up, "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered softly.

XXXXXXX

So after a few months of keeping it quiet, people finally found out, now they can kiss all over the damn hospital if they want to and squee in the on-call rooms or something, hee…. Derek got sick and Addison aaww, Addie took care of him…. Meredith, well, poor thing…. I like Mark for standing up for his bestfriends. I have to say the rumor was hilarious….

Anyway, I'm still trying to finish the next chapter, but friends are coming in town for the holidays, so, though I would love to update sometimes during the holidays, I'm not so sure I could, we'll see…. I wish you all a very happy holidays, have fun, be safe, and eat aplenty! Reviews please, they're like little presents I find in my stockings, and they make me get in the mood to finish the next chapter :)

Next chapter: frankly, I don't know what to call the next chapter, heh… Do I have a secret for you? Hmm, I think it's Richard's birthday….


	8. Past

I know, I know, I haven't updated since eons ago, but I had friends visiting from out of town during the holidays so I was constantly out. And then the friends left, and I got sick, really sick, and I just can't get myself to write while wiping off snots and coughing and what not. And once I got well, I had writer's block, well, I have that every time, but this time I haven't touched the fic in ages that I had to ask myself, "Self, what have I written in this story?". Yes, I had to skim through the previous chapters, pathetic I know. And then once I'm caught up—with my own fic—my computer was down, the internet, too. And when the computer and internet were finally up, this whole chapter was so damn hard to write. I think I used up all of my nine lives in one (or two) night writing this (well, probably only eight of them), because I kept shooting myself, it was not a pretty sight. But I managed to finish, praaaisseee Jaaaayssuusss!

I still don't own them, Santa didn't give me these crazy kids over Christmas, so they're still Shonda's. Happy new year to you all, here's the chapter:

Past

_XXXXXXXX_

_Derek frantically drove his car through the busy streets of Seattle, honking like a mad man all the way to the suburbia neighborhood. _

_Once he parked the car behind the row of cars, he ran for the door and burst into the house. More than a dozen pair of eyes turned to him as Derek yanked the front door open. He smiled sheepishly at the crowd—mostly his colleagues—and nodded to Richard, who was midway through cutting his birthday cake, flanked by Adele and Addison, who had no problem showing her disapproval on his tardiness. He quietly closed the door as Adele had the crowd's attention back to the cutting of the cake. _

_Two hours and any cold shoulders later, Derek leaned on the entrance to the kitchen, watching Addison cleaning the dishes. She barely spoke to him during the party, and she busied herself afterward by helping Adele to clean up the Webbers' resident after the guest had gone home. _

_He sighed and walked up behind her, circling his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. "Addie…."_

"_I'm busy, Derek," she said curtly._

"_I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing a spot behind her ear._

"_Don't say that to me, I'm not the one having the birthday."_

"_Addie…"_

_She turned around, "Derek, you promised!"_

"_I know, I know…." He brought her chin to face him when she looked away, "I'm not slipping back to old habits, Add."_

"_You're acting like it," she replied, and returned to the dishes. "You've been home late, you've been busy…."_

_He rubbed the sides of her waist, "It's just a busier time than usual, it won't always be like this, okay?"_

_He heard her let out a deep sigh and planted a kiss on her shoulder blade, "I love you."_

Derek pulled himself out of the scene from two weeks ago and rolled his head sideways. The early rays of sunrise creeping through the cover of the window as she was asleep on the plush cushion of the first class seat. He took the hand on her lap into his and brought it to his lips, fifteen more minutes and he and Addison would land in New York.

It took a year to get on this plane. It took little time to sell the house on the Hampton, but it took them a year to deal with the brownstone.

_Derek pointed to the huge boxes by Addison's front door as he came into the apartment, "Are these the last batch of clothes?" _

_Addison nodded and continued to her conversation on the phone, "Mmm hmm…the chair in the office, that's Derek's father's…no, you can leave that one. Thank you so much, Sav…you, too, bye." _

"_Savvy got the movers already?" Derek asked from where he was sitting in the living room._

_She joined him on the couch and put her head on his lap, "Yeah, they're coming in tomorrow to move everything we want to keep to a storage..."_

"_Which is not a lot…."_

"_No, just pictures, china, books…your father's chair, the piano, some other keepsakes…."_

"_And the rest goes to sale with the house…."_

"_It would be in the market by next week."_

"_Finally…."_

"_Yeah…finally…" she muttered. _

_The sound of the rain took over the silence in the room, his fingers slowly ran through the red tresses in his lap, the fingers on his other hand laced with hers, his deep blue eyes not breaking contact with her lighter ones as they read the emotions on each other's faces while memories of their days in the brownstone danced between them._

"_It was a good home…" he said. "Regardless…."_

_She nodded. Her eyes started to glisten, he noticed._

"_When I left…." He took a deep breath. He didn't know how to tell her, or why he was telling her this. "That night…I vowed to never step foot again…."_

"_I waited for you…sat by the door all night…," she whispered. "I fell asleep around morning…woke up at noon…you never came back…."_

_Derek scooped her up and held her against his chest. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry," he whispered as he planted kisses on the top of her head._

"_I need to see it, Addie."_

_She wiped her eyes, "What?"_

"_I need…I left because I didn't want to deal with everything, and now…now…I feel…"_

"_Derek." She sat up and looked him in the eyes, "You don't have to…it's too much…."_

"_I need it." He rubbed a hand up and down her arms, "I just left, and it's…it's unfinished…."_

"_You want closure."_

_He nodded, "I need to come to term with this."_

"_I'll come with you."_

"_No…no, it's too much…."_

_She put a hand on the side of his face, "If you need to do this, then we'll do it together." _

_He felt her thumb caressing his cheek. "We'll go back," he whispered._

_She rested herself back against his body, burying her head in the nook of his shoulder and neck. Her hand clutched a fistful his shirt, "We'll go back…."_

_Derek tightened his arms around her and held her close._

The aircraft shook slightly as it touched down on the landing strip of La Guardia airport and stirred up a sleeping Addison. He smiled and brought her hand to his lips once more, "We're here."

She squeezed his hand and gave him a sleepy smile, "We're back in New York."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Derek peeked through one eye at the clock in the hotel room, 9:23 am. He shifted under the covers and the figure snuggled to his rolled away to face the other side. He automatically followed her, his arm snaked around her waist, pulling her back against his chest, and she laced her fingers with his.

"What time?" she sleepily asked.

He mumbled something incoherent.

"Have to…," she yawned, "Get up…."

He didn't reply, instead he slowly trailed kisses on her back, and shoulder, and neck.

"Friends...brunch…," she managed in between moans.

He continued with the kisses—and the wandering hands, "Mmm hmm…"

"Derek!"

He gave her a mischievous smile, "What?"

"We have friends to see…friends we haven't seen in a year… we're in…"

He kissed her hard, "I know…." He kissed her again, harder, "And you're rambling."

"Not…," she replied, breathless.

"Yes, you are." He seductively kissed her lips, her nose, and her cheek, along her jaw all the way to her ear.

"Mmm…." She couldn't mutter anything else.

"You're nervous," he whispered as he nibbled on the soft spot under her ear.

He heard her drew a long sigh and he looked up to see her staring questionably at him, "You're not?"

He knew what she was referring to. They were going to the brownstone that evening, and it scared the hell out of her. It scared him, too.

Slowly he inched forward, watching as her lips slowly parted to welcome him, and he kissed her long and passionate.

"I love you," he whispered when they finally broke, "It's all that maters."

"I love you," she said softly as he gently removed her tank top.

He took his time, kissing her, caressing her, holding her, "I love you…I love you…I love you…"

XXXXXXX

Addison told the cab driver to keep the change and watched it drove by before turning around to find the door right below the number 20 was already ajar. Derek had gone in without her.

Everything looked almost the same inside as most of the furniture and décor were intact, only a few things of sentimental values were removed days earlier. Their former home felt…cold—no—it had been cold ever since she and Derek started to see each other les and less. It was left in such an unceremonious manner, in such a bad place, it felt…haunted, as if there was a ghost of an unfinished past looming over the high ceiling as she looked up at the winding stairs.

Savvy and a couple of their girlfriends did a very good job on getting everything in the brownstone neat and organized and ready for sale. Addison could see patches of lighter shade of color on one side of the wall in the hallway. A picture of her and Derek smiling brightly during a skiing trip used to go on the empty rectangular spot in the middle. Around it were smaller rectangular spots from frames that used to hold a picture of her and her bestfriend, Laurie, in their pajamas, a picture of her, Derek, and Mark, a picture of Derek with some of his nephews, a picture of her and Derek in their scrubs, and a picture of her and Derek with his mother and her parents. On the table below the pictures, a table sat with little things they had given to each other or received from their family. The pictures and the knick-knacks were gone, but she still remembered every single thing that was missing.

The bedroom looked so dark, and Addison reminded herself to breathe as she ran her fingers on the pillow down to the cover onto the foot of the bed.

She turned around slowly when she felt his presence.

She couldn't read him as he scanned the room, his eyes met hers briefly but she wasn't sure if he saw her. "Derek…" she called out as she stepped toward him. He didn't answer, nor did he show any sign that he heard her. "Derek," she called once more and she followed his gaze to the bed, to the closet, bathroom, and everywhere else but her. She put a hand on his chest, their bodies an inch apart, "Derek."

Derek closed his eyes and Addison felt him breathing heavier and heavier by the second. He reached for her jacket, pushing it roughly from her shoulders and on to the floor. He didn't bother for her shirt, only leaving it unbuttoned. She didn't protest when he tugged on her belt and pulled down her jeans and panties as he walked her backward toward the bed, all in such haste and coldness. But she let him. She swallowed uncertainly at his demeanor, nerves causing her stomach to clench as she sat on the bed while he undid his jeans. She let him, somehow she understood. He needed this, and perhaps, she too.

He never met her eyes and he barely touched her, his head was next to her but only strands of their hair touched. She saw the sorrow on his face, but he didn't see her winced when he thrust too hard. She bit her bottom lip and just held on to his arms, rubbing them every once in a while as an effort to soothe him, a silent gesture to tell him when he was too rough. Everything was the total opposite of passionate love making they had earlier that morning. There was no patience, no tender kisses, no loving caress. Everything was done in an impersonal manner, and she couldn't help but feel that, perhaps, she deserved this.

She watched him when he was finished, his breathing labored, a bead of sweat rolled down from his forehead. He pressed his head against her temple and kissing her hair, her own hands wrapped tightly around his back, running small circles there as she felt him calmed. He pulled out of her and held her tightly in his arms.

They laid there in stillness for a long time, he occasionally planted a kiss on her forehead, one hand rubbing her back and another playing with her hand on his chest. She was ready to fall asleep and forget everything when a ring blasted through the room, Derek's phone.

He made no move to answer the call. "It'll go away," he said softly, pulling her closer.

When the second set of rings came, he begrudgingly got up and was ready to throw his phone out the window until he saw the caller ID. He groaned and made a gesture to her that he had to take the call.

"Shepherd," he answered. "What's going on?"

Addison watched as Derek conversed on the phone.

How did that…. Just decide for yourself, you just have to manage until I get back…. No, I can't…. What do you mean…?!"

A few curses escaped as Derek grew frustrated. When he hung up, Addison immediately knew what it meant by the look on his face. She got off the bed, went for her clothes, and started dressing.

Derek tried to get her attention as they dressed, "Addie."

She held up a hand.

"I'm sorry, but I had to…"

She stared at him angrily, "Just leave!"

"I'll be back as soon as I can, tomorrow if I can help it." He touched her am and she defensively stepped away from him.

"Addie, what is wrong…"

"What's wrong?! What's wrong, Derek?!" she screamed. "THIS is what's wrong!!! Us back here, and you! Your…your so called 'I need this'…"

"What are…"

"You used me!!!"

"I…"

"Tell me you didn't see that night all over again." She stopped a second to catch her breath, "Can you honestly tell me that you didn't see it all flashed before you when you fucked me?! Damn it, Derek, you didn't even look at me…not once…."

He looked down at their feet.

"Is this what you needed?!"

He shook his head, "No, Addie, I'm…."

She grabbed her shoes and ran out of the room, going for the stairs, and she can hear him coming after her. "Leave, Derek! And see if I care!"

"I am not leaving you, Addison! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he took her arm and turned her around, "But I'm not leaving you!"

"NO!" She pulled her arm from his hold, "You said you needed this, and we were going to be fine…and I believed you…"

"We will be fine! We'll get through this, Add…."

"No…no, you just want what you want…. And I…I let you…I let you used me to make you feel better about yourself…. And now that you're done you want to leave…."

"I've never meant to…."

"Just like you always say," she scoffed and continued down the stairs to for the front door.

"Where are you going?"

"Why do you care?! You said you have to go, so go!" she spat, not looking back at him, "We're done here."

"Addison!"

"Just go to the airport and do whatever it is that's so important in Seattle, Derek!"

With that Addison slammed the front door closed and left Derek in the foyer of the brownstone, much like he did to her that night a year ago.

XXXXXXXX

Yeah…this chapter is all kind of weird and…you see why I was all suicidal writing this?! Anyway, review please! Reviews make me less suicidal.

Big thanks to Kendel.

Next chapter: New York. Secret: Addison loves New York. Okay I now this is lame, you're probably like "DOH! Of course she does, you moron!" thinks of another secret The only other secret I know is that Derek has a very good reason for leaving back to Seattle.


	9. New York

So the weather has been nasty in the last few days. My car was covered in ice an when I managed to get on campus, my morning classes were cancelled…. So I sat here, with a cup of warm tea, fighting along with Derek and Addison, who were not co-operating with me today. Heh, those kids, they're trouble sometimes. But I still love them. And I miss them on the show. Anyway….

I still don't own them, don't sue me.

New York

XXXXXX

Addison reluctantly pushed the receive button and placed the phone on her ear.

"Addie?"

She still didn't want to talk to him, the only reason she answered the phone was because her bestfriends kept telling her to.

----

"_Add?" Savvy eyed her from across the table._

_She didn't look up from her pasta, "Hmm?"_

"_Your phone," she pointed at the fact that the cell phone had been ringing for the last twenty seconds._

"_Oh," Addison replied and nonchalantly dug her bag for the gadget and turned it off._

"_Derek?" Laurie, Addison's bestfriend, asked._

_Addison went back to her lunch._

_Laurie put down her fork, "Addison."_

_Addison knew better than to ignore Laurie when she was using that particular tone, "Yes?"_

"_You should talk to him."_

"_I don't want to."_

"_It's Wednesday, he's been calling since Sunday night," Savvy reminded._

"_When he** left **me," Addison bitterly replied._

_Savvy and Laurie threw each other a look._

"_Talk to him, Addie," Savvy's voice softened._

"_Why are you on his side?" she curiously asked. _

"_Just hear him out," Laurie advised._

"_Do you know something I don't know?" Now she was really suspicious._

_Laurie rolled her eyes, "I just know you miss him, and you secretly want to hear his voice. So just pick up the damn phone next time."_

_----- _

"Addie?" he called again.

She let out a long sigh, letting him know she was there.

"You're still mad," he acknowledged, "Which is acceptable…."

She played with the tie of her bathrobe as she sat on the hotel bed, listening to how sorry he was and what he was feeling. She understood, to be honest, but the fact that he left without a valid reason still angered her.

"…. I miss you." He waited for her response.

"I'll be there in two days," he told her when she didn't reply.

He had sounded so sad, so guilty, so regretful, she thought.

"Don't bother," she flatly spoke.

"I want to…"

"I don't want you to," she cut him off. "I'm fine. I've been fine, my friends are here to keep me company…."

-----

"_Rise and shine, missy!" Savvy announced in a cheery sing song voice as she threw back the comforter of the hotel bed._

_Laurie, opened the curtains, letting sunlight into the room._

_Addison groaned in disapproval as she cursed under her breath. She wouldn't have let them spend the night with her if she knew they were going to do this merciless thing known as waking her up at—she looked at the clock, 8:10 am—an ungodly hour of the morning._

"_Up, up, up," Laurie instructed—equally as cheerful as Savvy—as she jumped on the bed and took Addison's pillow away._

_Addison curled into a fetal position, "Get out!"_

_Savvy playfully smacked the redhead's butt, "Oh, come on! Tis the day of spa and pampering and shopping with your two most favorite people in the world!" _

"_Trust me, you are not my two most favorite people in the world right now!" Addison retorted._

_Laurie ignored her bestfriend, "And then, a fancy dinner with our friends in your new—if you get up now—dress and shoes and a Broadway show and another night of dancing at New York's hottest club!"_

_Both of them rolled Addison on her back so she was facing them._

"_I hate you two," she pouted._

"_Oh you don't, not until we tell you that all of this," Laurie spoke with a glint in her eyes that Addison knew all too well, "Are courtesy of **this**!"_

_Savvy clapped her hands, "Derek's card!"_

_Addison's eyes widened at the small rectangle object Laurie was waving in front of her face._

"_Where did you get that?!"_

"_From your wallet," Savvy replied innocently, "We figured you might have it."_

"_So…," Laurie continued, a mischievous grin on her face, "What do you say, missy?" _

_A smile spread on Addison's face, "I like you two."_

_----- _

"And I'll be fine for the next four days," Addison informed him.

"Without me," he said with a slight edge.

"Mom and Dad are coming tomorrow to spend the day with me. Savvy and Weiss and Laurie and Charles and some others are taking me to the Hampton the day after. I'm fine, I'm not alone."

"But you don't want me to come with you," he stated, a hint of hurt in his voice. "You don't want to be with me anymore?"

She was quiet for a moment. "That's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I just need time to think about something on my own."

"What thing?"

"I want to move back here, Derek," she finally blurted out.

She had been thinking about it. She wanted to tell Derek when she got back, but might as well drop the bomb now.

"Addison, you're upset with me, I get it. Let me come over there and we'll talk… "

"No, Derek!" she told him firmly, "I want to move back here. I miss the City, Derek. I want to go home."

-----

"_Come out, Add!" Weiss called out as he and several of their friends sat waiting in his living room. The group had a dinner reservation to catch before the show, but Addison certainly took her time getting ready. _

"_She's coming," Savvy informed as she entered the room. _

"_I'm here, I'm here!" Addison yelled out from the stairs not a minute later, Laurie trailing behind her. _

"_Look who's back in the City!" _

_She blushed as everybody cheered and hollered at the sight of her in a gorgeous lilac cocktail dress, newly purchased from Chanel that afternoon. _

_To top off the day of spa and shopping, Addison spent the night out on the town with her old friends: a fantastic fine dining, followed by show on Broadway, and lounging and dancing at one of New York's hottest club to end the night. She had an amazing time in the company of her friends in this city she loved so much, and for the first time in a year, she felt at home._

_Since Derek left, she had visited the places used to go to with her friends, that little coffee shop she had known since medical school—where to this day, Maria, the owner, squealed whenever she came into the shop, the little restaurants she used to eat at, the Broadway shows she used to go see whenever she had time. She had missed her home._

_------ _

"But we're starting over in Seattle, Add. We've got contracts, we've got new apartments, I've bu…," he stopped briefly. "I thought we're making Seattle home…."

"I thought I was too, but let's face it, Derek, I never belonged there. You're their McDreamy, they adore you, but I was the Wicked Witch of the East right off the bat, the adulterous wife, Satan…then I was the pathetic divorcee whose husband dumped her for an intern, not to mention the ex-lover tailing behind her…. People either hate me or pity me…."

"You never give a damn…"

"I want to work where people don't live vicariously through the gossip about my personal life! I'm tired of living under their scrutiny, Derek! I want my friends, my family. I need them."

"You have me in Seattle. Miranda, Richard and Adele…."

"If you insist on staying in Seattle, then stay in Seattle. But I'm moving back, regardless…."

Her declaration must have struck him like cold because she could hear the stillness from the other line. She took along deep breath.

"I'm going home, Derek—even if you're not coming with me. I don't know how I'm going to be without you here, but I'll manage. The last three days have taught me that, I have people who love me and support me. I'll manage, somehow…."

-----

_She smiled at the jingling of the bells at she pushed the door. Her smile grew as she spotted the older woman behind the counter greeting the customers in line while the younger staff shuffled around her, getting the orders ready. Her smile broke into a huge grin the moment the older woman took a double take at her and dropped her jaw slightly._

"_Oh. My. God." She excused herself from the costumers, put her apron away, and rushed to give her a big hug. _

_They both squealed and giggled, hugging each other tightly, as the costumers couldn't help but smile at the scene even though they had no idea what was going on, a few of the workers who knew laughed along with the two women._

"_If it isn't my most loyal customer….,"_

"_I told you I'd come back," Addison said._

"_It's been a year! I thought those Seattle coffee got you for good."_

_Addison shook her head, "Never. You know I only love you, Maria."_

_Maria laughed heartily and Addison realized just how much she missed this tiny cozy coffee shop, and of course, sweet Maria, the owner. _

"_Come, come." Maria grabbed her hand and guided her toward a table in the corner, but halfway she stopped and turned to the counter. "Everybody," she started, "This, right here, is my most loyal and faithful costumer, Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd!"_

_Addison managed to put on a smile despite Maria's innocent mistake, and waved at the staff behind the counter she recognized._

"_She first came here as a med student at Columbia more than a decade ago, she'd get her morning coffee and muffin or bagel here almost every morning, then she'd come back later in the day for more coffee and study at that table," Maria explained as she gestured to the table she was taking Addison to._

"_She made it through med school, she made it through residency, and now she is one of our top surgeons in this country!"_

_Everybody in the tiny shop cheered and clapped. _

"_I made it through it all with Maria's coffe!" Addison quipped and the crowd laughed._

"_Anyway," Maria continued, "She lives in Seattle now, and I just want to share with you how happy I am to see her back here today. So, go get your breakfast, thank you for coming, have a good day, and come back soon!"_

_After Maria's impromptu little speech, the hustle bustle of the shop continued, and she and Addison sat on the table in the corner. The two women talked about this and that and caught up with what had been going on with each other. Maria was no stranger to Addison, she was always caring and protective ever since she had gotten to know the young and determined med student who frequented her shop throughout the years. Addison felt safe with this sweet lady who had always encouraged her and given her advice when she asked for it. She missed Maria and her coffee shop._

"_Derek left last night…," Maria repeated what Addison had just told her._

"_Yeah…."_

"_Has he called?"_

"_Repeatedly."_

"_You haven't answered."_

_Addison pouted, "You know me too well."_

_Maria chuckled, "You're upset, I understand. But you need to talk to him soon or later."_

"_I miss this city so much, Maria…."_

"_Of course, it's been your home." She squeezed the younger woman's hand, "Is it that bad in Seattle?"_

"_No, not at all. It's okay actually. It's just that…other than Derek, I have no support, no one's on my side…except for a few, not more than the fingers on one hand…. There is no one I can really talk to, no one I can really trust…."_

"_It takes time, dear…."_

"_I know…but it's hard. Derek and I have been very private about our current relationship, but I feel like everybody is secretly watching us, waiting for any sign of fight or argument or—God forbid—breakup so the can talk about us. Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm not, I don't know…."_

"_You are Addison." Marie spoke firmly, "You'll get through this. You'll manage, you always do. Even without my coffee," she tried to lighten the mood._

_Addison smiled at the humor, "I hope so…."_

_------ _

"No. No, Addie," Derek repeated desperately. "We need to talk about this together…."

"I've thought about this…. Look, when I came to Seattle, I gave up my life here. I made that sacrifice for you. I stayed for you because you needed time to heal. Now…we've made peace with our past, and I want to go back home. New York is home, Derek."

"Addie, please, I'll be there in a couple of days, and…God, Addie, you can't make a decision like this without…."

"I just did. I'm going back…with or without you."

XXXXX

So…this is, um, yeah…I don't know what this is. Addison has a valid reason for wanting to go back, and damn the woman wants to go back. Derek also has his reason as to why he's trying to get Addison to stay in Seattle, which he hasn't told Addison. So they're duking it out for now, which is giving me a massive headache….

Next chapter: Home. Secret: Derek plays "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on the piano. Actually, he doesn't play that well, more like he struggles through it….

Review please! Reviews are like hot chocolate in this cold weather, they make me feel better.


	10. Home part 1

Alright kiddies, here's the next chapter.

It's still the usual I don't own them. I'll never own them, so never sue me, please. :)

Home part 1

XXXX

Addison paced around the empty elevator, quicker with each 'ding' of every floor. She was back in Seattle, two days early, nonetheless. She caught a red eye back last night, told the door man of the apartment building to get her suitcases up to her room, and went straight to Derek's apartment.

She couldn't stop thinking about the last phone conversation they had, where she told him she had decided to move back to New York, even without him. That was two days ago, and neither had spoken since, neither had called each other since. It wasn't that she had changed her mind and she couldn't wait to tell him about it, because she hadn't. She still wanted New York, but if Derek didn't, then she wanted to know now—immediately. She couldn't go on for two more days wondering if what they had worked on for the last six months or so was a waste because in the end, they wanted different things and neither was willing to make the sacrifice.

She took her time when she got to his door, hands in her pocket clenching into tight fists. She closed her eyes and exhaled loudly and was about to—"Mark!" She jumped when she heard the door behind her opened.

He gave her a funny look, "You're back early…."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she cut him off. She really wasn't in the mood to talk to him at this moment. "Anyway, you're going to be late for work. And oh, don't tell Richard I'm back already."

"That's exactly what Derek said when he got back early…," he mused, "Without you…."

Her eyes widened, "Wha…what do you mean…. He hasn't been working?! Where the hell is he?!"

Mark deadpanned, "I don't know."

"Mark," she threatened.

"I don't know," he insisted.

"Mark!"

"Okay, okay! When I left to the gym, I saw him on his way out with his fishing gear." He paused, "He said he was going to "the land"."

"That bastard," she muttered under her breath.

XXXX

Derek sat motionless, staring at the old black and ivory keys of the piano in front of him. The piano that was his birthday present for Addison four years ago. He spotted it in a window display of a piano vintage shop in the Village one afternoon. He knew he had to get it the moment the store manager told him the details of the instrument. It was the same model as Addison's grandfather's piano; the one Grandpapa Forbes used to teach little Addie how to play in her childhood.

He grazed his fingers on the keys, he was not an expert at this, neither was Addison. She only knew the basic her grandfather taught her before he passed away, and he only knew "Over the Rainbow" she taught him before they were too busy to spend a moment sitting beside each other on an old piano. He struggled to find the correct notes as he tried to remember what Addison had taught him. Slowly it came to him, but the music that filled the room was still one of untimely tempo and incorrect chords.

"You missed a note."

He abruptly stopped and turned around, "Addie…."

She walked over and sat next to him. Gently, she placed her hands on the fingers and played the song flawlessly.

"You're back early," he said softly when she finished.

She nodded, "I need to know if…if…." She couldn't bring herself to say it, yet. "What is this, Derek?" she asked, eyes wandering around the empty house, postponing the real question she needed to ask.

"Something I've been working on…" he answered.

"You never told me."

"It was supposed to be a surprise."

She fell silent, staring at her hands on her lap.

He placed one hand on hers, "I wanted to tell you, many times, that this is what's been keeping me busy."

She looked up, "I'm sorry."

He smiled sadly, "I was hoping that I could hold off showing you until next month."

She gave him a questioning look.

"For your birthday."

"Oh…." She felt so guilty.

He chuckled, "And I was praying to all the gods that Savvy and Laurie wouldn't let it slip either."

"They knew?!" Her head already planned a three way call to New York as soon as possible; she can't believe her bestfriends knew all along.

"Yeah, I asked them to send whatever we're not selling here." He stood up and offered his hand, "Come on, I'll give you a tour."

She took it and followed him and Addison stood dumbfounded by what she was seeing as Derek showed her around.

As she made her way, she expected to see Derek lounging in his chair by the lake waiting for a trout to catch his bait, and she had already worked up her temper complete with a speech—and perhaps one shoe—ready to be launched at his direction the moment she'd see him in his stupid bulky fishing vest. But then she stopped midway through the ranting in her head as she pulled up into the driveway. There was a house—a big gorgeous house—by the lake, and there was no fisherman Derek in sight, just his car—and the house, and Addison slightly forgot about the anger, and the speech—and the shoe.

"When did you start?" she asked as he led her up the stairs.

"After we got back from Boston. I called up the architect and the constructor after I sold the trailer."

"It's great," she admitted.

He smiled, "Look, Add, I'm not using this house to make you stay. When I started this, I just assumed we were making Seattle home, I didn't ask you if that was what you wanted as well. If New York is home…."

She pulled her hand out of his and crossed her arms in a defensive gesture. This was the reason she came back early. The worst she had expected, he was saying it at this moment, and it terrified her.

"And if you don't want Seattle, then I don't want this as well."

"Wha…what…" she stumbled, all bubbles of thought of her packing and moving back across the country alone and again started to burst.

"I'm coming with you. You've made a lot of sacrifices for us already, now it's my turn." He uncrossed her arms and let them fell to the side, "So…I'm saying that I'm coming with you…to New York…home."

"Do you realize what you're saying?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

He looked slightly amused, "Yes."

"Because I won't take anymore of your sudden anger or whatever it is that comes up in that head of yours when something brings back old memory..." she warned.

"Duly noted." He closed the space between them, "It won't be easy, but I'm working on it. Seriously this time."

"And this house…?"

He reached for her waist, "We could always build another home."

"So…we're moving back to New York," she said it out loud, she needed to hear it.

"As you wish, we are. Are you still mad at me?"

"I did have a thing or two to yell—or throw—at you as I was driving here…."

He laughed, and then slowly leaned down for a kiss.

"Better, dear?"

"Mmm…do it again…."

He did—longer.

"Better."

XXXX

I have to break this you, but this story is coming to an end. The next one is the very last chapter. I knew I wanted this story to have this ending since I wrote the second chapter. I've planned this to be a ten chapter story all along. It's just writing the space between the then and now that gives me headaches and makes me suicidal, and it's your reviews that keep me alive. Ok, that is cheesy…but true…. Soooo anyway, read and give me some love. :)

Next chapter: Home part 2. Secret: eerr, this is the very last chapter, no secret for you!


	11. Home part 2

To make the long story short, real life interferes with writing (I know, I know, how dare…) or maybe I'm just too lazy to write, heh…. Point is, the very last chapter is here. And I'm done with this fic. Done, done, done. Finally…..

So without further ado, here it is. I still don't own them.

Home part 2.

XXXXX

Derek reluctantly opened his eyes as he felt the body next to him turned once again. He could make out her silhouette in the dark bedroom, her back to him and the blanket down to her waist. He could tell she was awake—and thinking—by the rhythm of her breathing, light and paced, unlike the deep and relaxed beat she breathed when she slept.

Slowly, he scooted over, rested his weight on one elbow, and placed a hand on her waist. He saw her staring at the curtained windows and planted a kiss on her neck.

She closed her eyes for a second and rolled on her back, looking up at him, "I can't sleep."

He lowered himself back on the bed, and she turned to face him, their foreheads now touching.

"Watcha thinkin'?"

"Things..."

"Wanna share?"

She shook her head no, "I just want to sleep…."

"Okay."

He moved so she could snuggle close to him, her arm on top of his stomach and her head on his chest. He absentmindedly played with her hair with one hand, occasionally massaging her scalp or kissing the top of her head, and gently rubbed her back.

She fell asleep ten minutes later.

XXXXXX

Addison gripped the railing of the balcony as she watched a couple ferryboats cruising on the Elliot Bay. She exhaled, flexed her fingers, and left the balcony.

Inside, she marched towards the door, sweeping her keys off the table in the foyer in one motion.

But she came to a halt a few feet from the door. For what reason she didn't know, she just stopped, staring at the doorknob and squeezing the keys in her palm. She stepped back from the door and put the keys back on the table, but only for a split of a second, because then she took them in her hand again. And put them back on the table. And her hand hovered above them as she stopped this repetition. She let out a frustrated sigh and went to the kitchen.

After a glass of water, she went to the living room. She stood in the middle of the room, paced from one end of the long sofa to the other, then stopped. Paced again, and stopped.

Derek's interior design magazine on the sofa caught her eyes. Finally, closing her eyes and drawing a deep breath, she marched back to the door, swept the keys in surety, and left the apartment.

XXXXX

The house stood still by the lake just as she saw it the day before, still beautiful and still dreamy.

Addison walked slowly from the front porch to the backyard. The backyard was rather bare with newly planted shrubs that need time to turn the yard into a lush garden. She could see it. She could see the rose bushes and whatever else people plant in their garden. She wasn't much into flowers and trees, living in New York and being a top surgeon didn't leave her much time to nurture a hobby in gardening, but she always wanted one and she could see in front of her—a Friday evening when Derek and she would get off work early, sitting in a set of patio chairs drinking tea watching the sun set on the lake. It was awfully cliché and corny, but she wanted it nonetheless. The scary thing was: she could very easily have it, if she could give up New York.

She stood by the French doors, contemplating whether to go in or not. She wanted to see the inside of the house one more time, but she also didn't want to lie about her whereabouts to Derek when he came back from picking up groceries and lunch to find the apartment empty. Ending the mental debate, she opened the doors

"Arrgh!" she groaned when, once the doors moved, the security alarm blared with a piercing loudness, "Damnit!!!"

She dashed to the rectangle box by the back door and frantically pressing random buttons to kill the sound. "Shit, shit, shit….."

The alarm suddenly stopped minutes later.

Addison stood still with baited breath, her fingers slowly backed away from what she now deemed an evil machine. As silence regained its presence, she let out a relieved sigh, "Thank God…."

She surveyed the unfurnished house, their valued possessions from the brownstone sat in one corner, waiting to be designated in their appropriate space, and Addison already knew just exactly where they would be placed, just as she knew what furniture and decor would make the house into a perfect home.

She sat down on the seat in front of the piano, opened the cover, revealing the black and ivory keys, and began a familiar melody.

"You know, I could have you arrested for breaking and entering…."

An unpleasant sound of off-key notes was heard as Addison whirled around, dumbfounded, "Wha…ho…wh…."

Derek shoved his hands in his pockets, "So the security company called and told me that someone has broken in…." He watched as her face reddened, "They asked if I would like to have some cops come over to check the house…."

She bit her bottom lip and suddenly her fingernails became the most interesting objects to look at, "Oh…."

He leaned on the piano, trying very hard to keep a straight face, "Luckily for you, I was ten minutes away from here, and decided to meet my trespasser at the crime scene."

She closed the cover and stood up, "You knew."

He chuckled, "Addie, you tossed and turned for hours and I found you asleep on the couch at six in the morning with that design magazine on your lap."

"I can't stop thinking about it."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because…I…," she threw her hands up, "We're moving back to New York! We're…we've decided to lea…I was so sure I didn't want to live anywhere but Manhattan, and then…then I came back here and you've built us a house—a gorgeous house…and, and, Go…."

"Whoa, whoa," he put a calming hand on her shoulder, lightly massaging it, "Slow down…."

Her arms went around his waist, and she buried herself in his embrace, "I'm not so sure anymore…."

He simply held her and waited until she was ready to talk again.

"I could picture it, Derek…here….." She looked up, "How every room in this house would look like."

"Yeah?"

She nodded, "It's one hell of a home."

"So you spent all night decorating this house in your head?" he teased.

She pouted, "You would be amazed with what I have in mind."

Her eyes met his for a moment before she rested her forehead on his shoulder, "It'd be so much easier if we can move this house and the lake and the land to Manhattan…."

Derek laughed at her musing. "No one says we have to move back, Add," he said when his laughter quieted. "We haven't made any arrangement."

"It scares me that I love it so much I could already imagine us living here…and somehow starting to let go of New York."

"But do you really want to stay here just because of a house? You said you didn't have any friends here, you wanted to move back because our friends and family are there."

She pulled back, "But I'll have you here…. You love it here…."

"You love Manhattan…I do too."

"When I decided I wanted New York, I wanted it for myself, just like you wanted Seattle for yourself a year ago. But you've sold your trailer and built us a home here. You did it for us and I can't just throw it away…I don't want to."

"So you want to…."

"Make this house a home with you."

He grinned widely, "I won't get up tomorrow morning to find you asleep with a laptop on your lap that shows listing of brownstones on sale?"

That cost Derek a slapped in the chest with the back of her hand, and he quickly pulled her into a kiss. As the kiss heated, Derek lifted her and sat her on the piano.

"Piano…old…" she mumbled in between kisses when his fingers fumbled with the button of her jeans.

He unbuttoned it anyway and pulled down the zipper, "Looks…sturdy to me…."

"We're staying here," he said, taking off her sweater.

She leaned in for another kiss, "We're making it home."

XXXXX

That Addison, first she stole Mark's room key in an earlier chapter and now she broke into the house, tsk tsk tsk…. Anyway, they're staying in Seattle, unless Addison changes her mind again—in which case I will kick her. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your reviews/comments/beggings/threats throughout, I truly enjoy them.

The story ends with a piano squee, ain't that grand :) Now, gimme your one last review!


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